Eyes Speak of Things as Much as the Mouth
by ionlysigneduptofindsomething
Summary: Kenma Nokori was a lousy ninja. The gauche and untalented heiress of a venerable clan, she was written off as a flop. Unbeknownst to her, she had been using her ancestral abilities throughout much of her life; she just had to figure out how to harness them. Too bad the enigmatic figurehead of a mysterious criminal organization wanted nothing more than to do the same thing.
1. Funny Meeting You Here

Throughout my 23 years of life, I never understood what "mirror eye" meant. I remembered questioning it in all my feeble-minded childishness, only to be met with some more of the same old, regurgitated fart-dust word salad the elders always gave me.

"It is not something to be understood, it is something to be felt. To feel the Kagami no Me IS to understand it."

Whatever the hell that meant.

After that, I stopped asking.

As far as my clan was concerned, it was a turn of phrase conceived specifically for overuse. They carried on endlessly of wielding and inheriting it, strengthening it, conquering nations with it, all of that good stuff. In the moments I cared enough to listen, I caught snippets of conversation among the elders about which matches would make for the highest probability of passing the mirror eye on to their offspring.

Those noble geezers and their unsolicited old-man advice were the only reason my parents wed in the first place. They were revered by the elders as "the perfect partnership, most suited to rear fine and talented young women to carry on the legacy of the clan."

Well, they were almost right.

My mother bore three daughters, of which I was the unremarkable middle child. Both of my sisters awakened their kekkei genkai by the age of two.

I wasn't so lucky. The only things I inherited were my mother's looks and the unprecedented ability to completely suck at lots of things.

But hey, that's what you get for accepting marital advice from a bunch of old dudes who thought that walking out of the house in socks and sandals was a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

(Okay, so _maybe_ that _was_ the "proper" way to wear geta, but that didn't stop me from thinking it looked stupid.)

I'm unsure of whether or not crappy memory is an inherited trait, but I undoubtedly picked it up somewhere along the way. I can recall nearly nothing of my father, and I only remember what my mother looks like because of the way she used to look at me: long grey hair and skin as pale as the moon, peach lips pulled taught into a stern line, and hooded, steely eyes that regarded me with scathing disappointment.

She was a graceful woman, with a proud and elegant smile that reached her eyes. She often gifted a loving curve of her lip to both of my siblings. But whenever her gaze drifted in my direction, her eyes were empty, save for a calculated resentment that made me feel as if I were the proverbial tarnish on a polished piece of silver.

That look was a curse from which I could never escape. It was a reminder that the value of my family name depreciated with every minute that I was still breathing.

So you can imagine how unfortunate it was that in the end, I would be the only one left alive.

 _Go figure_.

The attack was swift and my clan was arrogantly unprepared. It was midnight on the outskirts of the Land of Oil. It started out a feint rumble that was brushed off as pyrotechnics from a neighboring town's celebration. But then, everything was on fire, and I knew that something was wrong.

I remembered running out of the house and almost being trampled. We were under siege, hordes of enemy clan members slaughtering every living soul in their path. It was chaotic.

That night was the last time I saw my family. I watched our burning house collapse with them inside.

Whatever. They were assholes, anyway.

I could feel the heat from the flame and I started to run again. I was five, and my little kid legs didn't make it two strides before I was knocked out cold by...something. I still don't know what it was.

So that sucked.

In the end, the entire clan was wiped out. I thought I was a goner, too, until I woke up in the hospital in some hick-ass town called Konoha. After I was properly patched up, the nurses tried to explain to me what had happened. They were pretty vague, most likely because they thought that my tiny, underdeveloped child brain couldn't comprehend the severity of what had transpired.

They were probably right.

All I knew was that there was some kind of beef between my clan and another one, and in an effort to be done with it once and for all, the other guys decided it would be cool to just kill all of us. That works too, I guess. They had also managed to find one other of my clan in the rubble, but he didn't survive the night. They said he got cooked extra crispy and that his injuries were too extensive to repair.

Ouch.

When I was sufficiently healed, I was discharged, and it was off to an orphanage for me. They named me there.

The first time I heard it, I grimaced.

Nokori.

 _Leftover._

 _Real_ original, you guys.

I was foisted into the ninja academy after that. My scores were amongst the lowest of the class, partly because I didn't want to be there, but mostly because I couldn't mold chakra to save my damn life. I could perform a substitution jutsu okay enough, I guess, but it ended there.

All I wanted to do was drop out, but my academy sensei insisted that I remain enrolled. "You're the heir of your clan," he said. "Your chakra is unique and powerful. It would be a shame to let that go to waste."

 _Okayyy_ , but what good was having such rad-ass chakra if I couldn't _do_ anything with it?

I was nine when I discovered I was exceptionally good at deciphering the MO's and thought processes of my opponents. You know, the whole "seeing underneath the underneath" thing. I could tell what they were thinking, I felt how they were feeling. It was _scary_.

My sensei said it was called "empathy," but I knew it ran deeper than that.

It was like my head was connected to theirs by an invisible cable, and I could thumb through the wrinkles of their brain and access any bit of knowledge that I fancied. I could watch fond memories catologued away in the back of their minds just by looking into their eyes. I knew what their favorite color was, how old they were when they lost their first tooth, and how they got that scar on their cheek; I experienced the trip they took with their parents to the land of Rice Paddies when they were seven.

I saw it all as if I were _there_.

My sensei laughed when I told him. He said that it was impossible for me to see these things, and that I was too old to indulge in such childish fantasies.

So I stopped talking about it, and my ability fell into dormancy.

After that, the only two things I really excelled at were shuriken throwing and evasion.

That's right. _Running away_.

Somehow, I graduated. My clone was mediocre, but it remained corporeal long enough for me to earn my headband.

I was placed on a three-man squad after that, operating under a new sensei. My teammates were supportive, and we formed strong bonds. We still have lunch together sometimes when they aren't off killing people.

My sensei trained me as best as she could. She must've done something right, because I passed the chunin exams. It was by a stroke of luck, sure, but I did it.

She was killed in action a week before my chunin certification. R.I.P. Satsuma-sensei. You were the real M.V.P.

These days, I'm feeling pretty content. I go through the motions, complete enough B or C rank missions to get by.

I know that I will never be a splendid ninja, and that's _okay_. We can't all be heroes. (I'm pretty sure there's a quota.)

I'll keep doing what I can with what I've got, and I'll leave the hard stuff to that one loud mouthed, ramen-eating kid people are always talking about.

I'm all right with weed pulling and dog walking. Somebody's gotta do it.

Life's good.

So here I am, living my best life.

 _Awesome_.

...only I know deep down that out there somewhere, my mother is still watching my every move, and that she is _so_ disappointed in me.

Even now after all these years, when I wake with a start in the dead of night, it is because I feel eyes on me.

* * *

I shot up in bed and panted, and I stared. They always stared back. The eyes that hated me for everything I was and ever would be.

18 years later, and the wound was still fresh.

I blinked away the lingering tendrils of my night terror and wiped cold sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. I stilled, taking a moment to compose myself before I began to meditate. My muscles went lax, and I did nothing else but focus.

15 seconds passed before the crickets chirping in the persimmon trees outside my window became a deep, reverberating hum along the peripheral of my consciousness.

20 seconds more, and I didn't hear them at all.

I breathed deep. In through my nose, out through my mouth, and repeat.

I was safe.

A minute and a half in, I had successfully regulated my breathing back into some kind of relatively normal pattern.

In and out, and once more.

And then, I opened my eyes and the earth started up again.

I flung my legs over the edge of my narrow wooden bed, still groggy.

"Welp, I'm up for the day," I mumbled.

I stood and stretched, sprawling out my arms as wide as they would span, then moving on to work the deep tissue in my legs. I hissed when I inadvertently rammed my toe into the corner of my bedside table. I let a half-hearted "fuck" blow past my chapped lips and groaned.

This place was so damn small.

My two-room apartment was the housing equivalent of a shoebox, with a monthly rate roughly _three times_ the cost of my freshly purchased ninja tools. It overlooked a pachinko parlor on the east side of the city, and was a hop, skip, and a shunshin away from the Hokage Tower.

You know what they say about real estate: location, location, location. That may be, but _come on_.

The rent was _ludicrous_.

You'd think that a "sprawling and respected" municipality like Konoha could afford to adequately compensate their shinobi. But in reality, being a ninja was about as good as being anything else. It was a job with average pay, just like being a baker or a fisherman.

Only the resident baker didn't have to worry about being maimed or otherwise injured every time he left his house.

I padded over to the tiny bathroom adjacent to where I had been sleeping and stood in front of the cracked, porcelain sink. I caught cool water in my cupped my hands and doused my face before flicking the faucet off.

Hesitating, I looked up and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, illuminated only by the meager light the waning moon put off.

The serene glow accentuated my pale skin, gray eyes, and peach lips, and I scowled.

I _hated_ how much I looked like my mother. My gaze drifted, and I felt my belly warm with a gnawing anger.

I sighed.

 _Well, let's go do stuff._

I pushed away from the sink and exited the bathroom. Making my way across the bedroom and into the dimly lit living quarters of the apartment, I stopped briefly to check the time.

2:04 a.m.

 _Ugh_.

With half-lidded eyes, I shuffled into my regulation, blue canvas sandals and grabbed the olive green jacket I had left lying over a chair. I fastened my weapon and supplies pouches to my back pockets, just in case. "A ninja is always prepared," right? I hopped onto the stove and was out the kitchenette window and onto the roof before I even finished putting my left arm through my jacket sleeve.

The night was balmy, with a breeze that swept across my face and exposed calves in a series of comfortably solid gusts. My ashen hair billowed in the air behind me...

...right before the wind decided to swap directions and blow it all directly into my face.

 _Nice_.

I spit a few soggy strands out of my mouth much like I would a bug and then cleared my throat, hoping nobody saw.

I closed my eyes again and breathed deep, and all I could smell was freedom. The promise of adventure beckoned me forward on the crest of the summer wind, and I took off like a madman. I set off at a blistering pace, propelling myself over the rooftops of a bustling Konoha with reckless abandon.

Two in the morning, and it was still loud. I swear, this noisy city never sleeps.

The scarlet roof tiles clanked under the soles of my sandals as I scampered over them, and I laughed a laugh that was unabashedly carefree. I'll admit that my footwork was a tad bit shoddy. I never was super ace at this, but I did my best. I stole through the town like a slightly uncoordinated thief in the night until I reached the top of the looming wall that surrounded it. I paused to hang out on the ledge when I heard voices.

Guards.

 _What a nuisance._

Steadying my grip on the wall with my left hand, I reached into my pouch and pulled out a jagged, egg-sized rock with my right. I tossed it once and caught it in my palm for good measure before throwing it over the wall to the far left. I waited and heard...nothing.

 _Missed_.

Rolling my eyes, I pulled out another stone and tossed it along the same route that I had the first one. Barely a second later, I heard the unmistakable solid plonk of stone hitting stone. It bounced a few times before settling in the center of the path atop the wall.

 _Jackpot_.

The chatter stopped, and I heard the sandals of the shinobi on duty shuffle to the left where my rock had landed.

Excellent.

 _Smell ya later._

While the wardens were distracted, I furrowed my brows in determination and hoisted myself up and over the wall. For a moment I was airborne, weightless. I grinned, too elated to care who my crooked teeth offended. I channeled chakra to my feet and raced an imaginary opponent down the side of the sturdy scarlet barrier. I was 15-ish feet from the earthy horizon where the wall met the ground beneath when I launched myself off of it and flailed through the air. I found myself upright again, and the ground connected with my feet.

My landing was rough and I rolled my ankle upon impact. It didn't slow me down too much. My eye twitched in the mildest incarnation of a wince, but I recovered. Soon, I was kicking up the dust with my arms at my back and the wind in my hair on the westbound trail out of Konohagakure.

Running was my favorite thing to do. It was something I was good at.

So I ran, and I was happy.

* * *

I had been dicking around the outskirts of Konoha for a few hours now. A good half of the time was spent jogging, and most of the other had been filled with agility and body weight exercises. I had even managed to squeeze in some shuriken practice.

I was sprinting through the canopy of the forest feeling all accomplished when a rather disgruntled crow flew right into my face. Losing control of my footing, I tumbled into a clearing below and threw my arms up over my head to protect myself from being pecked.

It swooped down on me once, twice, and then disappeared into the trees to my left.

 _What the hell, bird? It's a bit too early for you to be around, isn't it? The sun doesn't even come up for a couple of hours-_

 _Wait a second._

Before I could register it, the air around me had shifted. Every hair on my body shot up toward the heavens and I swallowed hard. I suddenly felt like an animal with its foot caught in a trap. It were as if a seasoned hunter was closing in on me, one shot loaded in the chamber of his worn and reliable rifle, ready to put it right between my eyes.

For the second time in my young life, I felt with a mortifying certainty that I was going to die.

"She fits the physical description we were given."

The voice sliced through the night like a velvet-handled dagger, and the only thing I saw was red. It was then that I knew I was staring death in the face.

A rough, mocking voice sounded from the unkempt shrubbery adjacent to the glowing red death balls.

"This little scab?"

 _Hey, now_.

"I've confirmed upon closer inspection that her chakra signature is indeed a match. This is the one we have been looking for."

 _"Closer inspection?" How long have they been following me?!_

"Oh come now, Itachi. I've come across _squirrels_ more menacing than her."

I blinked.

"No. She is strong, both in will and might...however, she is indeed weak in execution. I'll let you handle her."

 _Handle me? Who the hell do you think you_ _are, Lite-Brite?_

 _Okay. Time to tell these guys how it's going down._

 _Show 'em who's boss._

My fingers were shaking. I tried to think of something clever to say, or at least a wicked insult to sling at 'em.

But I was panicked, and all that came out was:

"Why are you talking to a bush?"

 _Nice one, brain. Real smooth._

The red eyes narrowed at me in warning, and I felt like I was going to throw up. The shrub to the left of the glowing eyes scoffed before the brush rustled and the outline of its occupant came into view. My eyes had adjusted enough for me to make out an exceptionally girthy tree trunk directly behind where mystery man was stationed. Judging by its thickness, it had to have been over a century old. He rose, and standing at full height, his shoulders were damn near broad enough to completely block my view of _the whole damn trunk_.

This guy was _massive_ , and he was headed _straight for me._

As the behemoth inched closer, I shifted my legs a little to make sure I hadn't shat myself.

 _Nope, feels clean._

 _Cool._

I stumbled backwards, obviously perturbed. He was a head and a half taller than I was, and three times as wide. He came to stand across from me on the dirt path, and the points of his teeth caught the pastel light of the moon when he grinned. His reflective eyes were a piercing white, topped with sharp, golden irises that were several sizes too small. His dark hair rejected all laws of physics, standing straight up and adding several inches to his already preposterous height. His skin appeared peaked in the night, almost as if he were...grey?

No, blue?

I couldn't tell.

Either way, no biggie. I had seen weirder things cleaning out my tub drain.

But still.

He was _large_ , and I was _frantic_.

"He wasn't talking to a bush, you impudent little pipsqueak. He was talking to me."

I regarded the gargantuan stranger before me with a gaping mouth.

"Oh."

He continued to stare at me, dissecting me with his eyes, taking note of my stance, determining my habits, my idiosyncrasies, my fighting style...shit, he could probably tell what I ate for dinner last night. His mind was definitely toiling away in that giant head of his. It felt like he was scanning me, memorizing every detail of my appearance.

He probably was.

Observation is one of the most efficient ways to gather intel on your opponent.

Not that _I_ needed to. I could tell just by being _near_ these guys that they were bad news.

After a tense silence had passed between us, he spoke.

"Close your mouth. It's very unbecoming."

I complied so quickly that my teeth clicked.

"So, uh...what brings two fine young...whatever the hell you are to a place like this?"

He smirked.

"It's our boss, see. He sent us here to pick up a few things...among them, a kunoichi."

He stalked toward me, and my sympathetic nervous system decided to show me just how pissed off it was at me for falling right into this mess.

My heart rate increased threefold.

"About...5 foot 6..."

He took another step forward.

"Pale complexion..."

I took two adamant steps back and dealt him the best glare I could muster.

"Grey eyes..."

My blood rushed in my ears as one by one, he listed off traits that I possessed. It was almost too loud for me to make out what he was saying.

I swallowed again, it was a bit more difficult this time around.

 _When did my mouth get so dry?_

He took one last deliberate step toward me, much too close for comfort. His pearlescent orbs narrowed.

"Well, now. That kind of sounds like you...doesn't it?"

The sides of my head felt hot. I was terrified.

He laughed. I don't know what for. His jokes were lousy.

I backed further away, maintaining my distance. He continued rambling, and I found that my fear was ebbing, gradually being replaced by annoyance.

He sure was a chatty fucker. Why did these villainous types always have to talk your damn ear off?

He carried on and I took the time he spent blabbering to thoroughly analyze the precarious situation in which I found myself. I scanned the area around me with my eyes. I took note of his position, as well as where his partner stood in the collective shadow of the trees. I did the math in my head and began to rummage through ideas, trying to put together a plan.

First, the least appealing option: I could take them on right here, give 'em everything I've got.

But then I would die because my taijutsu skills are dick and a half, and I only know a few crappy jutsu.

No go.

Second, I could let myself be attacked and execute a substitution jutsu, land in a tree, and fire off a couple of shuriken or something.

But I reckon I would die if I did that, too, because they're probably a hell of a lot faster than I am. These guys felt _incredibly_ powerful. They would know my next move before _I_ did. In all actuality, they'd find my hiding place immediately and put the hurt on me something fierce.

Also, there's no guarantee that my substitution would be successful. I might end up accidentally poofing myself into the middle of a river somewhere, and I can't swim.

Again, no go.

 _Damn, is he seriously still talking?_

"-would make it a bit difficult to locate you, but here you are-"

My gaze shifted frantically with no discernible destination, trying to come up with _something_ that would help me map out a better course of action than making an assclown out of myself. By now, he had caught on to what I had been doing, and he didn't like it.

"-come quietly, and we'll...hey. What's got you looking all around like that?"

I froze.

"Sure hope you aren't thinking of ways to escape. It'll just make things harder for the both of us."

My eyes widened, and it was a dead give away that he had me all figured out. I think he felt my stomach drop at the same time I did. His fixed stare turned predatory then. His pupils dilated, and his face fell into a dangerous grin.

"Then again, Samehada has been stirring for a good fight. It's been inconsolable since you showed up, and it doesn't behave that way for just anyone. I guess that means that there is something 'special' about you after all."

He reached his arm behind himself and began to pull...something off of his back. It was too dark for me to make out what it was. All I knew was that these were some bad dudes, so it seemed safe to assume that whatever he was pulling out was probably bad, too.

I lifted my hands up in surrender, palms facing forward, and shook my head.

"Fellas, come on now. You've got the wrong-"

"My partner has seen the strange power within you."

 _Oh_ _great, more of this enlightened monologuing. Yay._

 _Somebody get this son of a bitch a PhD and a talkshow._

"His visual prowess is unparalleled, and overlooks nothing. If he sees it, then it must be so."

 _Ugggggh what the hell was this guy even talking about?!_

"Why don't we put it to the test, hm?"

The thing on his back was half-freed when that voice sounded off from the trees again. Eloquent as it was, it startled me.

"Kisame."

His red-eyed partner was growing restless with every passing minute, still radiating that sickening aura in waves. It was suffocating.

He emphasized his displeasure with his partner's proposition by stepping out of the tree line and into the moonlight as well. Long, black hair, a spotless porcelain complexion, and deep stress lines sunken into his otherwise unblemished face.

And those freaky eyeballs, of course.

Huh. This one was some kind of pretty. A weird sort of pretty that made my brain hurt when I looked him, but pretty nonetheless.

"We mustn't waste any more time here. Collect her and let's be on our way."

The big guy turned and made eye contact with his partner as they quarreled. Presently, they were both looking in directions that were not mine, and I hoped that it was a good enough distraction.

It was then that I decided to do what I do best.

I threw down a smoke bomb and took off running as fast as I could...

...and it didn't detonate. I shot a hurried glance back, and there it was, lying on the ground like a big ole' fucking ball of uselessness.

"...oh, you have got to be KIDDING ME!"

It wasn't.

I kept running because...well, what the hell else was I going to do?

Their eyes followed my fleeing form, thoroughly unimpressed with my escape attempt.

"Itachi, this girl is a lunatic."

His bright-eyed partner "hm'd" his agreement.

"Are you _sure_ you're sure that _this_ is the girl we were ordered to-"

"Yes."

Kisame sighed.

"I'm on it."

I had navigated back to the path and had somehow managed to put 20 feet of distance between us. I heard the distinct rush of air when he launched himself after me, and _felt_ another when he appeared directly behind me. My heart was pumping a mile a minute.

I stole a second to snatch a shuriken from my pouch and launch it at him. The trajectory couldn't have been more perfect. It would most definitely be a direct hit.

It was sailing straight toward him, an inch away from biting into a vital spot.

And then, _he_ _caught it._ Right between two meaty fingers.

He tossed it back at me and I barely dodged it.

 _Damn, this guy is serious._

He kept pace with me perfectly. He was _so fast_.

This wasn't looking good for me at all. I glanced back and he barked out a laugh.

 _He's not even breaking a sweat!_

"Who are you running from? Did you really think you could evade us?"

I didn't humor him with an answer, I just put one foot in front of the other and prayed to all that was holy that I could reach the gates of the village in time.

It didn't work.

Oh well. Better luck next time, I guess.

I closed my eyes for a fraction of a second, and that was when he body flickered directly in front of me. He was solid as a rock when I smashed into him, and my damn nose nearly broke with the force of it being crushed into his iron chest.

The tip of my sniffer was red as a beet, burned from the friction of rubbing up against his stupid cloud-covered cloak with such intensity.

 _Cloak-burn? Really? Oh, fuck me._

The instant I recovered, I hopped back away from him immediately. He chortled. It was an unpleasant, _discouraging_ sound.

 _DAMN IT!_

For a split second, I wondered why he wasn't using any jutsu.

And then it hit me.

He thought I was too easy a target to waste chakra on.

 _Huh. Well that's insulting._

But it's not like he was wrong.

I pulled a sharp pivot and launched myself in the opposite direction

"Oh no you don't. You're not getting away again, not after all the trouble you've put me through."

His voice dwindled as if I were putting him further behind me, and for all of a millisecond, I was hopeful. But the next thing I knew, he was rocketing forward and he closed the distance between us instantaneously.

He roared, and I felt his breath against the back of my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, running blind. A frigid chill stitched its way up my spine, vertebra by vertebra, and my shoulders tensed in discomfort. One hand busied itself with freeing whatever the thing was that he had been shouldering.

His free hand shot out in an attempt to grab a fistful of the fur that lined the hood of my jacket. But it was dark out and my stride shifted just enough that he ended up with a clump of my coarse hair in his hand instead.

 _What the fu-?_

 _No, wait, wait, WAIT-_

Now, in retrospect, I suppose it's possible for hair and fur to feel pretty similar in the heat of the moment or whatever.

And I guess he thought so, too, because he yanked me backwards anyway.

 _Hard_.

It was violently fast. I was airborne. My body was straight as an arrow, parallel to the dirt below, and it was then that it dawned on him what had happened. He immediately let go and jumped back, right before I slammed into the dust like a sack of weighted potatoes.

The impact was _loud_ , and I did _not_ land the way that I was supposed to.

The posterior of my skull bore the brunt of the fall. I hit the ground hard, and I was flat on my back before I had the chance to breathe. I felt my brain fly up and and hit the back of my eyes, ricocheting around inside my cranium like a pinball hitting all the stops. I stared up at the dark sky in a daze and sizable fragments of my vision sparkled white. I groaned unintelligibly and then swallowed.

I was in so much pain that I almost forgot how pissed off I was.

Almost.

I heard the tak of his sandals heading in my direction and he entered my field of vision. He was smirking again.

Or maybe that's just how his face looked, I don't know.

He opened his big, stupid mouth, and all I saw were teeth.

"That was pathetic...Itachi was correct, your technique is truly deplorable."

I sputtered as my brain rebooted itself.

"L-Low...blow...bro..." My griping ended in a breathy exhale. I carried on between pants. "Hair pulling is...such a bitch move...I thought a guy like you...would be above that kind of stuff."

I winced. It hurt to talk.

He shrugged. "Whatever works. For the record, let it be known that I was aiming for your jacket. You were supposed to land on your ass. Not your head."

 _Well, you sure fucked that one up, didn't cha?_

 _Asshole_.

"Either way...owwwwww..."

He blinked. "You couldn't even hit the ground properly when you were attacked. You should at least know how to fall safely. You really are a pitiful shinobi."

I thought I would burst into flames.

 _Yeah, and YOU should know what "center of gravity" means! Where the head goes the body follows, and since you were yanking mine around..._

"You sure...talk a lot...don't you?"

He considered it for a moment.

"Hm...I suppose I do."

He laughed.

Again.

"Then again, I guess you aren't a total loss. After all, Pein wouldn't send us out here for nothing. Sure hope he knows what he's doing..."

He mumbled that last bit under his breath.

 _This guy..._

"Well, as long as I have you on the ground..."

He reached behind himself.

"...let's get you nice and docile before you even _think_ of running again, shall we?"

He pulled out the thing on his back and, at last, it became fully visible to me. It appeared to be some kind of...

 _What the hell IS that thing?! A...sword...creature thingy?_

It was all done up in bindings like a mummified corpse. It undulated in anticipation...and it _growled_. He lowered it until the tip of the object grazed my abdomen.

At first, the feeling was barely noticeable. A slight tingle.

But then, it progressed into a weakness unlike I had ever felt, and it wasn't long before my legs felt like static. I was at a loss.

 _What is going on? Is this some kind of slow-acting poison?_

 _No...there's no way he could have, I never gave him an opening._

 _But then...what is this feeling?_

Languidly, I glanced down to where the sword hovered above my belly...

...and it suddenly made sense.

I watched in disgust as it rumbled with delight, siphoning my strength from every pore. This thing sure was a noisy eater. It was taking my chakra in such large quantities that it was visible.

The shark saber was sucking the _life_ out of me.

That damned grin returned to his face when he saw that I understood exactly what this meant.

"I'm sure you've figured it out by now, girl. My blade, Shark Skin, eats chakra, and has taking a particular liking to yours. I will stop it before it takes enough to kill you, but I can't deny it fresh food...especially when it was _so easy_ to catch."

I huffed. A strained whisper was all I could muster. I was so tired.

"...fuck...you..."

His gaze shifted in annoyance.

"No thanks," he drawled casually. "Public sex isn't one of my kinks."

His partner dropped from the air to join him where he stood. He was just beyond my peripheral, but it sounded as if he were speaking from a million miles away.

"Kisame. The sun is rising."

And sure enough, it was. I could feel the warmth of the first light of dawn tickling my fingertips. Where had the time gone?

Somewhere, a songbird was singing.

I had become so weak that I could no longer speak and I knew that I was on the brink of unconsciousness.

He glanced to his partner.

"I'm almost through."

He cast his eyes downward once more and arrogantly cocked his head.

"Take a nap. Soon, we'll be-"

Before I could catch the tail end of whatever the hell it was that he was saying, my hearing trailed off. It felt like my head had been pushed under water, and my vision began to tunnel. The last thing I saw was a toothy smile plastered onto a blue blur, illuminated by the diffused light of the rising sun.

 _Huh. So he really_ is _blue._

And then, there was black.

* * *

Aaaaaaaaaaand scene. Whew, that was a lot.

Anywho, hey guys! Author here. How ya feelin' this evening? Long-time lurker, first-time poster. You know how it goes. I don't write much, but when I do, _this_ is what happens. Hopefully, you like it!

Feel free to comment, but please be kind. My anxiety thanks you.

(No, but seriously, it took me an hour after I finished writing this to grow the nads to post it. Viva la hesitation. To be honest, I still have an icky nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Posting your writing for other people to read is scary.

Whatever.)

Loveyoubye.


	2. Mouthing Off to Monsters

I felt a peculiar sensation. I was...bouncing. My face was repeatedly bumping into...something, in time with a series of sloshy thumps, and there was a large band of unspecified mass stretched across my lower back that held me firmly in place against another something that was equally large and unspecified. I recognized the pulsating, discomforting fullness of pooled blood behind my eyes and I realized I was upside down.

I opened my eyes. It was dark, but it was no longer night. I saw my own arms swaying lazily below myself. Looking past them, my vision was full of nothing but soggy dirt...being squished flat step by step beneath a pair of big, _blue_ feet.

In all of an instant, a pang of recollection tore through my body like a thousand volt current, and I remembered what happened.

I was abducted, snatched right out of my village like a lollipop out of a little baby's hands, and now I was in the middle of god knows where with some beefy blue guy and his...friend.

These people were no friends of mine, and I wasn't about to find out what they had in store for me.

I was going to fight.

At least when I lost, I would find solace in knowing that I tried.

I let out some kind of weird throaty whine and flailed around like an old white guy trying to dance. I thrashed as hard as I could manage, and the thing wrapped around me (which I now knew to be blue dude's meaty arm) gave my lower back a firm squeeze.

There was that damn laugh again. Knowing I was trapped on this guy's shoulder made it infinitely more annoying.

"I had a feeling you'd wake up here soon. Took a little longer than I expected, but I guess I'd be tired, too, if my chakra was almost gone."

I could hear the smile in his voice.

 _Oh crap, that's right._

I had forgotten that his thief of a sword had stolen most of my chakra back in the Leaf. I was still feeling woozy and figured it would be wise to get an idea of just how little of it I was working with. I closed my eyes and focused my chakra, but I could feel that my reserves were still desperately low. They had been depleted to the extent that I only had enough energy left for my body to carry out basic functions, like breathing and thinking and all that necessary being-alive stuff.

 _That damn shark blade._

I could hear it rumbling next to my head. I stuck my tongue out at it.

I placed two flat palms on blue guy's back and pushed myself up with my remaining strength until my torso ran parallel with the ground he walked on, my arms faltering every time one of his heavy feet connected with the earth. Eventually, I slithered back into a position where I could prop myself up on my elbows.

I hadn't an iota of familiarity with the terrain that surrounded me. What I could see of it, anyway. I didn't know where we were headed, but I had a _great_ view of where we'd been. There were no unique or distinguishing features. We were following a worn but defined path lined on both sides by tall, thick trees, a handful of which were dead or rotting away. Aside from the withered foliage, it looked just like every other generic path in and out of a village that I had ever tread, only more damp.

 _Awesome_.

From what I had seen of them, Big Blue's temper was much shorter than that of his raven-haired counterpart, and he was much more talkative.

 _He's my best shot at gathering intel. Time to talk this fucker's ear off until he cracks._

 _Let's start simple._

"So uh...where are we?"

No response.

I frowned.

 _Okay, maybe too simple._

 _Oh well, it was worth a shot._

"Now, don't tell me a blabbermouth like yourself has suddenly run out of things to say."

Silence.

 _Fine then, be that way._

 _Time for phase two._

I started singing to pass the time. It was a simple, pleasant little tune I heard a street performer sing once outside a fish stand back home, but I made sure I crooned it out like a moose with its left nad stuck in a thorn bush. I could tell by the way his posture stiffened that I had him right where I wanted him.

 _Won't be long now._

"Stop that."

 _Bingo_.

"Oh, so now you wanna talk, huh? Sheesh, don't I get to have a little fun?"

His voice sounded tired, and a little irritated.

"Not if you're going to sing like that."

 _Prick_.

"In addition, you're a hostage. Hostages don't have fun. Now, be quiet."

 _I will not._

 _Keep him talking._

"So your 'boss'...what's he like? Ya know, what's he all about?"

We kept moving, and he offered no response. He coughed and my elbows slipped out from under me, and I ended up smashing my boobs on his shoulder.

 _Owwww ow ow ow..._

I winced and performed a little damage control. I rubbed around, and I knew I hurt something in there somewhere.

 _Great, now I've got a damn fracture of the left nipple, you big bitch._

I grumbled and pushed myself up and back onto my elbows. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

 _Calm down. Right now, just focus on what you need to do. What else can you get out of these losers?_

My head swung a sharp left and I glanced over Kisame's right shoulder through narrowed eyes. His ponytailed partner fell in step beside him, quiet as he had ever been.

"Okay, but seriously, where are we right now?"

Not one word, only the sound of their sandals pressing down on the wet pebbles of the path.

 _Well, all right. You asked for it._

 _Commence phase three._

"This one time, I had a boil on my ass the size of a tangerine, and I had to go to the doctor and have it lanced, see. So I limp down to the doc's house, but it turns he's outta town, and this poor kid, a first year student from the medical core is the only one there who can do it. So this kid...this kid is scared to death, right, but he takes a scalpel and runs it through the flame of a flip lighter...and when he sliced that damn thing open...you are not gonna _believe_ what came out of-"

"We're approaching the Village Hidden in the Rain. Now for Kami's sake, just _stop talking_."

I smirked.

Game, set, match.

 _The Village Hidden in the Rain, huh?_

 _Well. I guess that explains all the rain._

It had been pouring since I woke up, and it was safe to say we had been walking in it for a while now. My clothes had completely soaked through, and at some point, I had begun to shiver without realizing I was doing it.

"What're the chances of me getting some dry clothes to change into?"

"Slim."

I grumbled.

 _Well this sucks_.

"So, what do you do for fun around here? Besides kidnapping people and stuff."

He sighed.

"Why all the questions?"

"It's called banter, beefcake. Surely, a _loquacious_ fellow such as yourself knows that."

The tension between us had grown so loud that I could dance to it, and he exhaled deeply through his nose.

"Listen kid...I've been hauling your useless ass around for days now."

 _Days? Shit, I didn't know that we had been on the road for that long..._

"I'm soaked, I'm tired, I'm _starving_ , and I haven't showered in a week. So, pipe down. I'm not in the mood."

I grimaced.

 _I knew I smelled something funky...yeesh._

 _But wait, that means I haven't showered for a few days, either._

 _Well shit._

While we were busy being all gross and smelly, we passed a river that was swollen from the rainfall. I heard the _rush_ of it winding over the terrain, a _steady stream_ gushing along the country side, _trickling_ its way through the-

"I gotta pee."

I blurted it out, and I could swear I _felt_ it when his face fell.

"You can hold it."

He stomped through a puddle of rainwater in the middle of the path and a fat drop of it shot directly into my eye. Exhaling sharply through my nose, I dug angry fingernails into the cloak-covered lumps of muscle under my fingers and I turned my head back as far as it would go.

"No I can't."

He kept walking. He took five more drawn out strides before he answered.

"I have faith in you," he deadpanned, and I could hear the carelessness in his voice.

We continued down the path. I felt the pressure ballooning in my lower belly as I shook with every terribly unhurried step he took. I rubbed my legs together, wiggling in obvious discomfort.

I mumbled, agitated.

"Ch, we'll see how much faith you have when I take a leak down your stupid, blue chest-"

He halted in the middle of the path, and his partner followed suit.

Without warning, he slumped his shoulder and I slid off, plopping unceremoniously onto my left side in a puddle of mud and grime. I damn near pissed myself from the impact alone. I pushed myself up onto my feet as best as I could, struggling to maintain my footing in the mud beneath my shoes. I felt the pull in my hips and down to my knees, all the way through to my Achilles' tendons as my whole bottom half was abruptly reactivated. My gait was clumsy and uncoordinated, and my legs wobbled like those of a newborn giraffe. I felt pins in my feet as the blood poured back into them. I peaked up just long enough to see the right side of his mouth curl up in the slightest tinge of an amused smile, and I scowled.

I glanced to his partner who had since turned to face me. His eyes were a natural shade of black now. Aside from the variance in eye color, his face remained unchanged. He wore the same beautiful poker face he always sported. I don't know why I expected anything else.

Weirdo.

My gaze trailed back to Big Blue. His expression had reverted back to its natural state: one part dry humor, three parts unadulterated apathy.

He pointed into the dripping foliage lining the right side of the path and I followed his finger with my eyes.

"There. Through those trees. If you're not back in five minutes, I'm coming in after you. And trust me, you do _not_ want that to happen. Now, go."

I rolled my eyes and slowly waded into the thicket of the woods.

* * *

I had stumbled a good 30 yards into the forest before I stopped. I was completely drained of energy. I was so slow in my positively exhausted stupor that I had already wasted two minutes of my allotted time just walking.

 _Great_.

I surveyed the area before my focus fell upon a small patch of soggy muck encompassed by several large trees. I decided it was as good a spot as any to unleash my urinary fury upon the innocent earth. Pulling down my charcoal spandex shorts, I squatted and got down to business.

I took a deep breath and relaxed myself enough to start peeing. Meanwhile, I coaxed my brain into thinking of absolutely anything else other than the fact that I was peeing in the middle of a forest in the pouring rain after being kidnapped by two crazy dudes with a regrettably dorky taste in fashion.

It didn't work.

I mulled over my current predicament in my head. I wondered what the hell was wrong with these cloud-covered miscreants, and why they felt compelled to make me a part of it.

 _Well, at least I know their names. The blue one is called Kisame._

 _Heh. How appropriate._

 _The other...what was his name again?_

I snapped my fingers a few times in recollection.

 _I...Itachi..? Yeah, that sounds right. Itachi._

Wait.

 _Itachi? What the hell? How can a lady carry around a kid in her womb for 9 months, go through 17 hours of labor, and then decide to name it Weasel?_

 _Dad must've named him._

 _Ugh, whatever._

I sighed and hung my head in exasperation.

 _What is going on? What do they even need me for, anyway? Comedy relief?_

Then I remembered what the blue one had told me back in my village.

 _He said something about his boss...who are they working for? Are they mercenaries? Or pimps? ...oh crap, are they yakuza?! I mean, I did borrow cash once from that one guy with the accent and the funny leg, but- no, there's no way. It's gotta be something else..._

I did my best to calm myself down and finish what I was doing, and getting the hell up out of this patch of mud and brush and earthy disgustingness was definitely some serious motivation.

It was quiet, save for a few noisy birds in the trees above, and everything around me seemed to be relatively benign.

The humid tranquility of the surrounding forest had lulled me into a false sense of security, and I had let my guard down long enough that I didn't notice I was no longer alone.

I was just about to stand up when I heard it.

"What I wouldn't give to know what it's like to pee. I'll bet it feels nice. I don't have a bladder, so I've never been able to do it."

The unsettling, airy voice drifted into my ear holes from somewhere behind me, and my face flushed pink. My blood ran hot around my ears as my skin iced over, and I froze like I had just been caught watching embarrassingly gratuitous fetish porn. My eyes shifted to the left and my breath caught in my throat. Reluctantly, I turned my head, my body having no choice but to follow.

Half of a pale face stared at me passively from the withered trunk of a nearby tree.

It blinked its golden eye.

"Does it feel warm?"

There was a beat of silence.

And then I _screamed_ , and my bare butt squelched into the mud beneath when I fell. It was an explosive burst of sound rushing from deep within my gullet, and all the birds nesting nearby went careening through the air in an alarmed feathery flurry.

The trees they had been roosting in were probably _covered_ in crap now from the seed-riddled bricks they had shat.

 _My_ _bad._

Naturally, Shark Man and Pretty Boy chose that exact moment to come ripping through the trees to figure out what the hell was going on.

 _CRAP_.

I heard him before I saw him, and he roared in agitation.

"What is it now-"

When the blue behemoth came upon the scene, his body halted so abruptly that he nearly fell over. Reeling, he hopped on his right foot a few times to keep himself upright.

His partner arrived shortly thereafter, beady eyes shooting to the left to focus on a rather uninteresting puddle of mud instead of a half naked me.

They had quite literally caught me with my pants down, and I was mortified.

Palming the front of my jacket down over my thighs, I shrieked and slammed my knees together with an audible knock.

"Don't look at me! Stop looking at me RIGHT NOW!"

Kisame, disgruntled, acquiesced and spun on his heel. Itachi, fastidious as he was, decided upon a more fluid approach. He shut his dark eyes and turned slowly, cool as a regal cucumber.

I scooped up a slimy pile of mud and flung it at creepy tree guy. It landed on the peeling bark just below his face, and he looked as taken aback as a face stuck in a tree possibly could.

"That goes double for you, you piss-happy pervert. Close your...eye."

Tree creep obeyed. Even though he couldn't see it, I gave him a nasty look for good measure.

I exhaled curtly through tight lips and my cheeks puffed. I fumbled with my spandex shorts and yanked them up as far as I could until the elastic waistband slapped the skin under my boobs, and I saw their shoulders twitch at the sound. Sure, I had just single-handedly given myself the mud-filled atomic wedgie of the millennium, but I had to be sure that nothing was showing. I smoothed down my jacket and took a deep breath to compose myself.

"Okay, I'm done."

They both turned to face me, Kisame checking over his shoulder first in a gesture of hesitation. No one spoke. We just stood there, avoiding eye contact and marinating uncomfortably in the lingering awkwardness of what had happened.

I was the first to break the silence. I rolled my eyes, groaning deep in my throat.

"Does this...thing belong to you?!"

I motioned with a shaky hand to the pasty face that had since morphed into half a head and torso. The monstrosity protruded unnaturally from the tree trunk like some kind of ungodly paper mache man-tumor and I didn't know whether to cry or barf.

As it seeped further out of the tree, more of it was revealed. It was split right down the middle by a shocking contrast of color (or lack thereof). The left half was a stark white, the right as black as a moonless night, and it was enveloped by two halves of a massive, plant-like apparatus. It had an odd sheen to it, waxy and organic, similar to that of a leaf. The two-toned figure was fixed inside the palm of the growth, the stalks looming over it in an unsettling arrangement of weird-ass, spindly appendages.

"Zetsu," the pretty one inquired.

This _thing_ had a _name_?

"What is your business here?"

The white half smiled, independent of its fused black companion.

 _Ewww_.

"Leader-sama is wondering what you've been up to. You should've been back hours ago."

There was that eerily breathy, sing-song voice again.

"He has grown quite impatient with you two. He's been pacing again."

It was the black half this time, and it spoke in a startlingly deeper intonation.

Kisame's expression fell.

"Sorry, we've had a few _setbacks_."

He gave me a decidedly pointed glare, and I narrowed my eyes at him. His tone shifted. It was far more stern, void of the humor I had detected in it before.

"We'll be there soon. Tell him he can expect our arrival within the hour."

Venus Fly Crap's pasty half smiled again, and I shivered.

"Okayyy."

And with that, he slinked back into the tree he had initially squeezed his nasty self out of and disappeared.

 _Who the hell are these freaks?!_

Without a sound, Itachi moved. I watched his back as he launched himself into the trees above and proceeded swiftly through the forest, heading east.

 _Up through the trees now, huh? Damn it..._

Kisame spoke, and I turned my head to look at him.

"This time, you'll be maneuvering on your own. I've grown tired of hauling you around."

My brow fell in aggravation, shadowing my glassy, grey eyes like a heavy cloth awning arching over a shop stall entryway.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I can barely walk. How do you expect me to channel chakra to my feet to follow you guys?"

His eyes narrowed. The playfulness in his predatory gaze was nowhere to be found.

"You'll manage."

His pace evoked a sense of urgency as he turned and began to trail his partner into the canopy of the forest. He called back as he jumped.

"Move it. Our superiors are pissed off as it is."

His tone had become much more dangerous.

I stood firm, the soles of my sandals suctioned into the sloshy earth beneath them. With all the energy I could summon, I squared my shoulders and held my head high. His boss's short fuse was none of my concern. Right now, all I knew was that I was being detained against my will in the pouring rain, I had just been caught pissing in a cluster of trees by a spiky, color-confused plant guy, I was smack-dab in the middle of terra incognita, and I was feeling 31 different flavors of _bitchy_.

"I fail to see how that's my problem. I didn't ask to come with you. I don't even know where the hell we are. I don't give five shits to Sunday what type of way your "leader" is feeling. And honestly, he deserves whatever comes to him if he's going to keep hiring _freaks of nature_ like you to do his dirty work."

He stopped short on a low branch 6 meters from where I was standing, and I stopped caring. I decided to press what luck I had left before it ran out.

"Listen here, sashimi-breath: I'm not going anywhere until you and your tight-lipped lady-friend over there tell me what the _fuck_ is going on."

My courage suddenly faltered. He was still facing away from me, but I could see the terrifying metamorphosis of his posture as his shoulders hunched and his head lowered into himself. His was rigid. His broad back heaved and his breathing became visibly unmanageable. When he exhaled, it came as a hiss from the back of his throat.

His seething rage had become palpable in the air around us, and it was abundantly clear that he had had _enough_.

I blinked. He vanished from my field of vision, only a swift breeze through the leaves on the branch he once stood indicating that he had ever been there at all.

My eyes stretched as wide as they ever had in my life.

 _What?!_

I felt a rush of air and I knew immediately that I had _fucked up._

He _snarled_.

 _"Wrong answer."_

The moment his foot connected with the middle of my back, I knew with an irrefutable acceptance that there was no way I would ever survive this. The kick to my spine was more powerful than anything I had ever felt. I was ripping through the atmosphere at a velocity so fearsomely rapid that the trees flying past me appeared to have become two solid walls of black. The front of my torso smashed clean through six trunks, breaking them in half, and they slowed me down enough that the next one brought my battered body to a blinding halt. I smashed into the last tree like a crash test dummy colliding with a concrete barricade. Every cubic inch of air was forced from my lungs in an audible expulsion of breath, and I heard several meaty cracks resound from within the contused cavity beneath my breast.

Crooked slivers of wood tore a raw, splintered trail down the flesh of my cheek and over the fragile skin of my neck, simultaneously impaling the tender hide of my chest. I could feel the embedded points of the large shards scraping against the taught, trained muscle covering my sternum, pinning the fabric of my jacket to my skin. My arms hung limp by my sides. My body peeled itself from the unforgivingly abrasive bark of the tree, and then I was falling backwards. I stared up at the darkened sky as it pulled away from me in slow motion and scattered drops of rain cooled the scraped skin of my face. I closed my eyes, and I waited to feel my back connect with the sodden earth below.

It never did.

From somewhere beneath, I heard feet racing toward me. Then came a swoosh of air as they propelled themselves off the ground, and I landed in the sinewy grasp of the one called Weasel. We slid to a halt, and he dropped to his knees with me still in his hold. He sat me down gently enough, and began to assess my condition.

 _Why...why are you helping me?_

The only reason I knew I was still alive was because it hurt so much. I struggled to breathe. Every inhalation was a blunt, gurgling wheeze, and I tasted metal. He began to pluck the larger shards out of my chest, leaving the smaller, more minor splinters untouched, and my jacket was freed from my skin. Each piece resisted extraction with a moist squelch, and all I wanted to do was yell at him.

 _Please stop, that hurts!_

I tried to speak, but only managed to cough in his face, splattering his pristine visage in a spray of fresh, red blood. He was unfazed, his collected composition unwavering. His black eyes pinwheeled until they became pools of crimson as red as the beads of blood that littered his cheeks, and he trained his gaze to my torso, looking deep within me.

I was surprised when his voice, normally as stoic as his face, betrayed a trace amount of concern.

"She's dying. She has multiple internal injuries and extensive trauma to her head, neck, and chest."

Kisame scoffed.

"Whatever, she had it coming. Insolent little-"

"That's enough, Kisame. You've overstepped your bounds. We have a mission to complete, and your recklessness has only served to delay us further."

 _Now it makes sense. The mission. It takes top priority, always._

 _He doesn't want to fail._

 _Quite admirable._

Kisame kicked up a puddle of rainwater that had collected in a dip in the forest floor.

"It wouldn't have happened if she had kept her damn mouth shut! I swear..."

His voice trailed off, livid.

Itachi continued to stare at me, and somehow, I was still alert enough for it to make me uncomfortable.

 _Stop...looking at me..._

"Her prognosis is grim. We must seek medical attention as quickly as possible. If we fail to do so, she will not survive."

Kisame threw his head back and growled unintelligibly.

"Give her here..."

He reached down and scooped me up with a consideration I had thought him incapable of. Itachi's words must have struck a chord within him, because he handled me with more care than he had since I first encountered him. It seemed that the value of bringing me back alive had dawned on him, and he loaded me gently onto his back.

"And now I'm stuck carrying you again...loud mouthed little shrimp..."

 _What the fuck?! It's your fault that you have to!_

"I don't get paid enough for this..."

He took a brief moment to adjust my limp body until he was sure I wouldn't fall off, and then, we were moving again.

We took off into the trees at a pace far more intense than I was accustomed to. We tore through the foliage for a good fifteen minutes before the trees thinned out, eventually disappearing entirely. We hit flat ground, a wide swath of soggy dirt and sediment skirting a large body of water.

 _A shore...?_

There was a rather spacious lake just ahead of us, torrents of raindrops diving down and disrupting the otherwise placid surface. We didn't slow a bit, racing toward the waterline like a gaggle of snorting beasts charging out of hell. We were mere feet from the edge when my world began to darken.

The moment we hit the water, the transition from solid ground to a liquid surface caused a minute fluctuation in Kisame's stride as he adjusted the chakra in his feet to compensate for the change. The resulting jerk was subtle, but it was enough to keep me awake. The rain had picked up again, and this time, it was disorienting. It pelted my scraped face uncomfortably at the speed we were traveling, striking the abrasions upon my cheeks drop by stinging drop, and I buried myself into Kisame's shoulder to shield myself from the assault. I was keen to keep one eye unobstructed to maintain vigilance of the terrain.

We sailed ahead with nothing but water in every direction until the distant profile of a jagged skyline came into view, growing closer and more pronounced with every step.

We traveled a minute longer at breakneck speeds before reaching the outskirts of a city I had never seen before. The lake acted as a natural mote surrounding the township, strengthening its security and discouraging enemy infiltration and attacks.

It was gloomy and industrial in appearance, with a certain futuristic sterility that put off an air of cold indifference. It was littered with a series of jagged metal towers that twisted heavenward into the weeping sky like sleek, slender fingers, perpetually begging for forgiveness from an unmerciful god. A sensation of hopelessness quickly proliferated through my aching gut.

 _How much...further..._

We weaved through the bowels of the metallic maze and came upon a structure that was soon revealed to be the tallest tower in the city. Past the rows and rows of piping and scrolling steelwork, I could see stylized, demonic faces on each of the four sides, and quickly decided that the architecture was particularly distasteful, if not perturbing.

Kisame slid me forward and flipped me around until he was holding me by the waist in the crook of his arm. We reached the foundation of the tower and immediately stomped up the north side of it. The second we went vertical, all my weight shifted until I was being supported entirely by the arm with an iron grip around my abdomen. My abused viscera screamed and my vision teared up from the intensity of the pain. I wailed in agony. It sounded wet, and my chest rattled as more blood came up.

He rolled his eyes.

"I've sustained far worse than internal injuries in my lifetime. Stop whining. We're almost there."

We passed so many windows on the way that I lost track of how many stories up we were. The change in the atmosphere was the only indication I had of how high we had climbed. The rain came down directly onto us now, and the pain I was enduring in combination with the thickening air had made it exceedingly difficult for me to breathe. Our arrival at our destination felt inevitable, but we finally reached a generously-sized window several feet below one of the large, monstrous faces and crawled in, hopping off the ledge and upright onto the floor.

Before he did anything else, Kisame dumped me like a burden onto a steel table pushed against the side of the room opposite the window, and leaned over me.

His voice was stern, reprimanding.

"I wasn't lying when I said I was tired of carrying you."

 _Noted_.

He stalked off to the right side of the room to where Itachi stood, my view of the window no longer obstructed. I heard them talking. Itach's voice had since regained its composed fluidity. I trained two unfocused eyes on them.

"Well, where is she?"

"Perhaps she's out delivering another decree. We'll wait here until she returns."

There was another impatient exhale of breath, followed by an equally impatient Kisame.

"That could take hours. I don't have time to stand here and babysit this kid-"

"She's gravely injured. And it's your doing, nonetheless. It would reflect poorly on us to leave her here with no explanation of her condition."

I heard everything as if someone had cupped their hands over my ears.

"She's a _shinobi_! It's not out of the ordinary for a ninja to be injured in battle, especially one as untalented as she is."

He spoke more softly now, but his tone was just as scathing.

"I'm not sorry for what happened. Whenever the kids back in Mist called me a freak, I beat the hell out of them, too. They deserved it, and so did she."

He paused.

"I'm done talking about it."

 _Huh. Well, what do ya know. Even monsters have soft spots._

Somewhere inside, there was a part of me that felt guilty.

 _He probably kicked that part, too._

The quiet that ensued was unsettling, and I couldn't tell if my blurry vision was worsening due to the state I was in, or because the tension in the air had physically manifested and was casting the room in a haze.

There was a swooping, like bird wings, but larger, and they both looked outside.

A band of air kicked up the dust in the stuffy, steely room.

A feminine figure glided in through the window on two gargantuan, but lovely, paper wings that crinkled when they moved. She was adorned in the same black cloak with printed red clouds, but she wore it much better than the others. They bowed deeply, regarding her with pure reverence.

"It's good to see you again, Konan-sama."

I blinked to be sure this wasn't some kind of near-death hallucination.

 _No_...

She was indeed real.

She was an _angel_ , and she was _glorious_.

The part of me that was still conscious was instantaneously overcome by the sheer emanation of this woman from where I lay. Chills trickled through my body and my skin broke out in goosebumps, and I knew it was not from the cold steel of the table.

She was truly formidable, her aura alone commanding respect from even the most prideful and powerful of opponents. It was thick on my senses, all encompassing, and in that moment I imagined that _she_ was what magnificence felt like.

A flash of lightning split the darkness behind her in two. The violent burst of bright light haloed her elegantly ominous silhouette, if only for a moment. A clap of thunder followed thereafter, shaking the building to its very foundation, and when she turned to face me, I was struck by the frigid intensity of her amber gaze.

She was dangerously beautiful. Her face, positively ethereal in its design, was as flawless as it was emotionless, and the shadows put off by the dim light in the industrial rotunda came to caress the soft valleys beneath her sculpted cheekbones. Her petite, ruby pout was accentuated by a metallic labret nestled in the crevice beneath her bottom lip, and her silken, amethyst tresses were gathered atop her head and fastened into a tidy bun. A single origami flower as meticulously crafted as her paper wings was woven through the strands adjacent to it.

The sight of her siphoned from me what little breath I had left. She spoke, not to me, but to the others, and her voice was a song, a graceful progression of chords arranged immaculately in a most heavenly exquisite composition.

"What took you so long?"

* * *

Yo. How's it hangin'? Author dropping by. Nice to see you radical dudes again. Thanks for the views, the follows and the reviews!

I added some cover art I made in a sketch app I downloaded from the App Store. I don't draw much (I prefer to write) but it was actually pretty fun to make.

I understand the tone of this chapter is a little different than the first, and for those of you disappointed by this, I apologize. I tried to retain some of the humor from the first chapter (and yes, there will be more), but there are some things I wanted to be sure to get across here:

One: Nokori will probably never be buddy-buddy with any members of the Akatsuki. They'll most likely view her as kind of a nuisance. Itachi really only cares about keeping her alive in this chapter because of his loyalty to the mission, and to Pein. Kisame really doesn't give a shit about her, but he, too, is loyal to the cause and to the organization. However, not to a fault. He has his own moral code that he follows that is liable to periodically conflict with Pein's vision, so it's no skin off his nose if she dies. For now, he considers her to be a disrespectful waste of space (but that will change). It also doesn't help that he's feeling cranky from being on the road for so long, and he's tired. Nevertheless, bonds will be formed through physically challenging and emotionally charged situations, but these bonds will be (mostly) professional. They're coworkers, so.

Two, Kisame takes it to heart when people poke fun at the way he looks. To have someone you have a close bond with call you out on something you are desperately self-conscious about is devastating, sure. But to have someone you barely know and with such an abrasive personality do the same thing is _infinitely_ more so. (I have experienced this first-hand several times. There are certain encounters that you hold with you for life.) Some people play it cool, pretend it doesn't bother them. They hold their feelings inside and let it hurt in private. Other people will kick the absolute shit out of you. By this point, I think we can all unanimously agree upon which category Kisame falls into. He prides himself on being physically strong. That's what he's good at. It would make sense that he would try and fight any kind of adversary with physical strength, even if said adversary plays on his mental and emotional weaknesses.

I figured I should let you guys know that I'm shooting for a biweekly posting schedule, but I didn't wanna keep you guys waiting, so this chapter is being posted a little early. If you have any comments or story suggestions or would like to talk to me about anything and everything else, please feel free to message me. I'm here all the time.

And since it pairs with the themes in this chapter, know that everyone has things that they dislike about themselves, and they trouble us every day. But never forget that those things don't define you, nor do they determine who you are or how great you will become. They're just small pieces in the grand scheme of the awesomeness that is you.

Stay sexy, and I'll be back in a couple of weeks.


	3. Decisions

I gazed up at the drab stone ceiling to distract myself from what was happening. My arms were tense and crossed behind my head, and I was bare from the waist-up (the prospect that _any_ of these people had divested me of my clothing was so embarrassing that I felt like melting away into a gloopy puddle of human juice). Luckily, someone had been kind enough to cover my chest with a dingy white cotton sheet, leaving the taught hide of my abdomen and a bit of underboob exposed. Some middle-aged medic dude was tending to my internal wounds, hands positioned over my ribs. His slender face was seasoned and mature, weathered by age, and the outer corners of his bleary brown eyes were cradled by crow's feet. His unkempt brows were woven tight in concentration, the corners of his mouth down-turned and framed by deep-set lines. Observing the familiarity that accompanied his every move, it had become apparent to me that he had done this many times.

 _Had to bring in the big guns, I guess._

I impatiently glanced at his knobby-knuckled and calloused hands, watching as he funneled his green chakra into my belly. It was an odd feeling, a pendulum of sensation swinging between a deep throb at times, and then to a visceral tickle at others. There was a twinge down in my gut that I was desperate to sate. It felt like that weird itch you sometimes get deep down in your ear and into your jaw, only in my stomach. I fell back on the pillow with an agitated sigh as my sight returned to the ceiling, and I suddenly became much more aware of my unfamiliar surroundings.

At some point back in the Rain Village, my dumb ass had lost consciousness _yet again_ , and somebody took the liberty of hauling me off to _another_ place I had never seen before.

 _Crap, man. I've gotta stop passin' out._

I hadn't an inkling of where I was being detained. I wasn't even sure what land we were in anymore The room was small and barren, save for the cot I lied on and a slender, wooden table standing to the right of me. It had no windows and was illuminated solely by the flicker of a half-burned candle that sat atop the side table. Ivory wax dripped down the candlestick, puddling into the chunky pile of dried wax skirting its cylindrical base. Every inch of the chamber was comprised of cold, gray stone that was naturally formed, lined with bands of grainy sediment in flowing patterns. It was evident that this structure was a direct product of nature, untouched by hands or tools. The atmosphere was cool and clammy, and felt damp enough to drink. The sound of water droplets hitting solid ground echoed from somewhere outside the room, and judging by the vast reverberation, the place I was in had to be massive.

The discomfort in my trunk ceased. I adjusted my gaze to look at the medic, and our eyes met. He blinked.

"Sit up."

I hesitated, grimacing at the prospect of him seeing my bare chest. Aware of my reluctance, he spoke again.

"Girl, there's nothing you've got that I haven't seen before. Now, get up before those puncture wounds become infected."

This time I obliged, closing my eyes and propping my self up with my palms. The sheet had fallen, and instinctually, my arms moved to cross over my chest.

He shook his head slowly. Our eyes locked, and from there, it was a staring contest. His gaze was relentlessly apathetic, and it pissed me off just to look at him. My right eye twitched, and his face remained blank.

I groaned in exasperation.

"Gah _fine_ , do what ya gotta do," I huffed as I dramatically dropped my limbs down by my sides.

"Just stop _staring_ at me."

Wordlessly, his hand probed within the medium-sized, black canvas bag he had left sitting at the foot of the bed. Eventually, he retrieved a bottle of clear liquid from inside, a pad of thick gauze poised between his middle and index finger.

He took the glass decanter in his right hand and uncorked it, placing the gauze atop the lip of the bottle and inverting it.

"Might hurt a bit, but you'll be all right."

He wasn't lying. It burned. My muscles jerked at the feeling of the antiseptic scorching my skin, but after a while, it became tolerable.

He forged a searing path down my neck and the smell of rubbing alcohol singed my nostrils. He continued trailing the gauze southward past my clavicle and to my sternum, and my cheeks flushed rouge, much to my chagrin. I was grateful that he was healing me and all, but I was still peeved that this middle-aged stranger of a medic was getting up close and personal with my rack.

Next was a small tin pot of greasy salve he pulled from a side pocket of the bag. He unscrewed the cap, and the smell smacked me right in the face. It was offensively fragrant, a pungent aroma I couldn't place, and it churned the acidic ocean within my stomach. There was a wet squelch as he shoved two slender fingers into the tar-like goopage, scooping it out and onto the angry abrasions that littered my skin. The sensation of the cold gunk against my flesh sent chills coursing through me and I felt goosebumps bloom over my arms. So here I was, completely clueless and terribly uncomfortable while this random guy smeared what felt like black snot all over my chest. His fingers traveled the same path that the gauze had, a pilgrimage across my neck and down along the expanse of my chest, and then he pulled away.

The apex of his ministrations consisted of him wrapping me all up in bandages. He ended up using an entire roll and damn near half of another, and bound them thick enough that they were comfortably snug.

When he was done mummifying my torso, he pulled back and regarded me with tired eyes. He appeared satisfied with his work. He presented me with a small container filled halfway with chartreuse-colored capsules. Our gazes latched onto one another once more, and I raised an eyebrow.

"For the pain. Take one every 6 hours or so."

It was a kind gesture, considering that he just as well could've walked off without giving me anything. In addition, this guy had essentially pulled me back from the brink of death. I figured the least I could do was express my gratitude.

"Thanks."

He exhaled deeply through his nostrils and blinked slowly. A lazy nod was the only response he offered.

 _Gosh, why are all of these guys so…lifeless?_

He rose from where he sat on the edge of the cot, collecting his bag and silently proceeding to the exit. Just before he reached it, he paused in his step, as if he had suddenly recalled something.

I stared at his back, expectantly. There was a beat of silence before he looked over his right shoulder, face as expressionless as his voice, and gifted me this nugget of wisdom:

"Whatever it was that you did to get yourself this messed up, don't do it again."

My face dropped.

"I'll do my best," I deadpanned.

He exited the room, and his retreating form was reduced to a shadowy silhouette as he was swallowed up by the darkness that lied beyond. He was about to round the corner when a deep voice from the left startled us both. He turned and bowed deeply to this unknown someone who was just out of sight. The two of them spoke in barely audible whispers, a clandestine exchange of words between the two of them, and I couldn't make out anything they said. The medic shook his head, and the conversation died out.

It was then that a shadowy hand sporting a solitary silver ring reached across the entrance of the room. I watched as it deposited a thick stack of bills into the medic's open palm with care, and then he hauled ass out of there. The mysterious figure came to stand in the makeshift stone doorway, strategically positioned just beyond reach of the candle's golden flame.

Slowly, his dark form breached the entryway.

At first, all I could see were ringed, purple eyes perched atop what appeared to be a constellation of metal accoutrements that glinted harshly within the sweeping darkness. He came forward into the room and more of him was revealed. I gulped.

His presence was imposing, smothering even, and exceedingly more lethal than the angel had felt. It was menacing, evoking an unnerving uncertainty in me like a dam merely seconds away from bursting. He strode across the room, his footfalls a rhythmic tapping along the cool stone of the floor. He stopped at the foot of the cot I was resting on and gazed at me down the bridge of his pierced nose.

His voice emerged as a rich, drawn out baritone, as sultry as it was sinister. It occurred to me that I should probably be intimidated by it, but as it stood, I was far too pissed off for that.

"Kenma Nokori."

I said nothing as he regarded me with stern eyes. The intake of breathe through his nose was the only thing to be heard within the stillness of the room.

"I am Pein, the founder of Akatsuki and all of its iterations."

 _So this guy is basically the ginger-headed CEO from hell. Got it._

"So you're the boss man around these parts, huh? Mind telling me what the hell I'm doing here? Everyone else has been pretty tight-lipped. Except for that blue one."

He smirked.

"Yes, Kisame can be rather chatty. I understand you caused him a bit of grief on your trek."

He glanced down at my bandages.

"And it appears that he reciprocated it in abundance."

I scowled, my eyes trailing off.

"Yeah. Got me _real_ good."

My sardonic tone showcased the irritation bubbling inside my chest, gnawing at the tender healing tissue. Once again, I found myself in the midst of these weirdos in some unspecified and particularly drafty location that was probably not up to code. At this point, I had more questions than I did answers, and the frustration fizzing up within me was nearing its boiling point.

"So, who are you, exactly? What's your deal?"

His expression was refined, sage-like.

"Akatsuki are the Dawn of a new era. We are the conduit for change. We have made it our mission to deliver universal egalitarianism to all our golden rays of light touch. We will bring forth true peace through the profound experience of mutual and multitudinous suffering. Oh yes, this world shall know pain; for only then can it know unity."

My eyebrows crawled up to the middle of my forehead and I nodded slowly.

"Uh-huh."

I blinked, because frankly, I wasn't really sure how to respond to that.

"You're insane."

 _That'll work._

He smirked.

"Yes. Quite possibly. But I can assure you that while ambitious, our vision of order _shall_ be brought to fruition. I am offering you the opportunity to become a part of it. A part of us."

I hunched over, crossing my wrists over one another, and stared him down through narrowed eyes.

He chuckled darkly, a deep rumble in his throat.

"What the hell are _you_ laughing at?"

The subtle curve of his lip disappeared. Deep down, a sliver of the fire in my belly was quashed, but I wasn't done yet.

"Listen here, you metal-faced prick: it's been a _long_ week. I've been kidnapped, manhandled, disrespected, and damn near _killed_ by your 'subordinates.' I'm tired. My body hurts. It feels like somebody threw me off a cliff and I hit every rock on the way to the bottom. I'm so _hungry_. I seriously think my stomach is eating my lungs right now…and as far as I'm concerned, it is _all your fault_."

I witnessed his lavender eyes become even more hooded as his brows fell further.

"You're to blame for all of this bullshit. And I still don't even know who you people are! I already know you're crazy as hell, but you could also be thieves or scoundrels or gangsters…you could be running a sex-trafficking ring out of your…whatever the hell this place is, _I don't know_."

I sighed, lowering my voice.

"I can't begin to understand why you brought me here. But if there's one thing _do_ I know, it's this: there's no way in _hell_ that I will _ever_ help you. If you think for a _second_ that I'll do what you ask of me-"

"That is quite enough."

His jaw clenched. The muscles in my neck went rigid and I glowered at him.

"I wasn't fucking finished-"

" _Neither was I_."

He continued, dismayed.

"Your ungratefulness is insulting. I should think you would be appreciative of my decision to summon you here."

 _What, am I'm supposed to be indebted to you for_ kidnapping _me?! Talk about a god complex._

"I have brought you here for one reason: to offer you purpose. I understand that you are the embodiment of your clan's legacy, and as such, you possess abilities that I am prepared to use to my advantage."

I rolled my eyes, exasperated.

"Oh, not _this_ again. Listen, all that 'bloodline trait' crap was buried along with the rest of my clan, okay? _I can't do it_."

The image of my mother's face flashed into my brain, and I quickly banished her mercilessly icy visage back to the mental abyss it had surfaced from.

"And stop cutting me off."

Meanwhile, his voice harbored an informal disbelief.

"Nonsense. The Kenma Clan wielded a formidable jutsu allowing its users to extract vital information from their opponents and strip them of their free will. It is said that entire villages were forced to their knees by it."

I could no longer contain my frustration.

"And I wasn't a part of that! There are _tons_ of stories of the Kenma clan's 'conquests' and a bunch of other bullshit, okay? Trust me, that's _all_ I heard growing up. And I don't know, maybe they're true. But _all_ of that has _absolutely nothing to do with me!."_

Shouting at him made me aware of just how dry my throat was, and the back of my mouth tasted like I had swallowed a roll of pennies. He had moved closer to where I sat on the cot, forcing me to tilt my head back to meet his gaze.

"On the contrary, you _have_ inherited your kekkei genkai, of this I am sure. Itachi has confirmed it. The power of your ancestors courses through your body with every breath you take. It need only be activated."

He leaned over me authoritatively, his close proximity quickly becoming unbearable. His tone was ominous.

"And we will do _whatever it takes_ to summon that power from within you."

I glared up at him through steely lashes, voice a venomous hiss.

" _Eat shit_."

His contemptuous purple eyes had grown wild, and I half expected him to shoot out a pale hand and ring my neck with it.

He didn't.

But he _did_ growl, and I my heart fluttered with fear the moment the words slid off his tongue from behind pursed lips.

"I have had _enough_ of your insolence, _girl_. I now have an understanding of why Kisame behaved the way he did. Your effrontery is insufferable."

There was a pause. His expression was scathing, and his stoic composure had since spiraled into a deep, primordial rage. One look into the depths of his peculiar violet eyes, and I immediately discerned that pure and undivided anger was the only emotion he was experiencing. His gaze harbored absolutely nothing but disdain.

"Indeed, it is true that I wish to harness your unique talents with the intent of promulgating our goals and fundamental ideals; however, you are not a direct asset to our cause, nor to our operation. It is foolish to consider yourself important enough to be spared."

His tone softened.

"However, I consider myself a magnanimous man. The opportunity I have extended to you is exceptionally rare. I am prepared to offer you a place within our ranks. I will feed you, clothe you, shelter you. I can guarantee that your needs will be met, you will want for nothing. In return, you will undergo extensive training, both physical and spiritual alike. I will hone your abilities into a fine blade with which to cut down my adversaries. I will utilize your strengths in any fashion I see fit. You will follow my orders as they are expressed to you, and you will do so willingly and without objection."

He drew closer.

"And thus, you are left with two choices. You may choose to submit to these conditions, to work alongside us within the shadows to achieve our ultimate objective. Or…"

His breath fanned across my face, tone nonchalant.

"…you may choose to _die_."

I remained silent, not so much because I had nothing to say, but because I found myself unable to speak. I shivered, my blood running so cold that I felt dead. I couldn't remember a time that I had ever been more panicked than I was now.

Every fiber of my vessel was suddenly overcome with the intense desire to sob. To sob until my shoulders rattled and my nose became so congested that I could no longer breathe through it. I swallowed the feeling down with an unbridled desperation, blinking away the freshly brewed tears that distorted my vision.

 _I will_ not _cry in front of this man._

I tried to clear my throat, but the rush of air forcing its way past the clenched muscles in the back of my mouth resulted in a choked sound that was decidedly less solid than I had intended it to be. It manifested as a strained and shaky groan, rough and pitiful, betraying my hopelessly broken spirit.

The stricture near my tonsils became increasingly vice-like, and I had to will myself to breathe properly.

My gaze shot up to look at him. He blinked his prideful purple eyes, his face having since regained its rehearsed impassivity. He knew he had gotten through to me.

"It is time for you to choose your destiny."

He paused.

"Do you wish to change this world...or do you wish to depart from it?"

I suddenly felt empty. It seemed that in an effort to cope with the chaos lashing at the pit of my gut, my body had resorted to suppressing my emotions entirely, leaving me to feel nothing at all.

I hung my head in defeat, silver strands curtaining my palled face. My voice was timid and doleful. There, amid the dank air that permeated this Kami-forsaken place, I relinquished control of my life.

"You win."

He pulled away from me and straightened his back, stalking off before pausing in the center of the room. He spoke without looking at me.

"Come."

I licked my chapped lips before slowly raising my head. And then, I obeyed.

I pulled the white sheet around myself to form a provisional garment, maintaining my modesty as best I could. Steadily and with a great deal of care, I willed myself up and off of the cot. I stood and observed him with curious eyes. He was positioned between me and the doorway, regarding my efforts with a placid look of patience. Wordlessly, he turned and proceeded out of the chamber. I trailed a few feet behind him in trepidation, passing through the entryway seconds after he had. We walked several yards more through a dark tunnel. The sound of water dripping was amplified, and a low hum resounded through the underpass. I saw light ahead, knowing we were approaching the end, and the moment I stepped through it, I became a microscopic speck within the vast and cavernous structure I found myself walking though.

I inhaled deeply, and I welcomed the moist atmosphere as it nourished the parched and shriveled flesh within my mouth. Having become accustomed to the confines of the room I had been in, the staggering capacity of the cavern was bewildering. It was generously spacious, littered with twisted stalagmites that clawed their way out of the cool stone foundation below. Spiny stalactites of various lengths dripped from the ceiling like teeth lining the roof of a pebbly mouth.

The centerpiece of the gargantuan space was a chiseled statue of a monster that was rather grotesque in appearance. The face of the thing was fixed in a permanent expression of anguish. Its mouth hung open, a silent wail emerging from behind pointed fangs, and it was deprived of vision by an incised stone cloth that obstructed the expanse where its eyes would be. Its two massive hands protruded from the rocky floor, palms upright and fingers stretched heavenward.

I made out four bodies lining the perimeter of the cave, all donning the same black coats mottled with scrolling crimson clouds. Three of them stood upright, but the last one was on the ground. I became acutely aware of a cascade of golden blond hair attached to the lounging figure; it was a stark contrast against the dull and muted colors of the cave. Recognizing that their superior had entered the room, they looked up from where they were to acknowledge him.

Pein's rich baritone rang out through the cavern. The prominent echo surrounded us, a ghost of sound reverberating off the rock walls.

"Gather."

Instantly, they were walking toward us. We convened in the space between the statue's sizable hands, and I got a closer look at two familiar faces, as well as the two members I was seeing for the first time.

Itachi's face was void as ever as he approached us. From what I had seen of him, I had assumed that we were roughly the same height. I discovered he was two or three inches taller than I was when we stood closer together.

Kisame followed, not far behind. This time, it was not his odd complexion that I noticed first, it was his looming form. His colossal frame was just as intimidating as I recalled. He towered over his companions, his sword complementing his fearsome silhouette. His cloak was fastened all the way to the top, the tall collar obscuring the bottom half of his face. Pale eyes shadowed by his stern brow, his gaze fell to where I was standing. My head lolled off to the side in a calculated effort to avoid eye contact.

My vision then fell upon the blond. He was much younger than I had initially anticipated him to be, and I approximated that he might've been a year or two younger than myself. He seemed wholeheartedly disinterested in his surroundings, staring intently at his hand. The tip of his tongue poked out from between full lips, glassy azure eyes transfixed by whatever was in his palm. I didn't get it. What could possible be so interesting about a hand?

The other had unruly black hair that jutted out in all directions, but the gaudy mask he sported diverted attention from his disheveled locks. It was a burnt and weathered shade of orange with a swirl etched deep into it. It shielded his entire face, ensuring that his identity remained hidden from the world. There was a hole strategically aligned over his right eye, and I could see one dark eye gleaming from inside it. His legs were trembling and the fingers on his right hand periodically twitched. It appeared that he could barely contain himself.

"May I present to you Kenma Nokori. She will be aiding us in our operations from now on. Please introduce yourselves."

Lollipop hollered.

"ME FIRST!"

I startled at the sound; this one was _loud_ , and his voice was nasally and instantaneously grating.

He bounced over to me and took my hand in his gloved one, flopping my arm up and down wildly in the jerkiest handshake I'd ever experienced.

"Hey there! Good to meet 'cha! I'm Tobi and we're the Akatsuki and we capture jinchuriki and stuff and we wear these sexy coats with the clouds on them and- OOO! Have you seen our rings yet?! They're so cool! Speaking of cool, your hand is so _cold_! Are you okay? Never mind! Oh, I'm just so happy that you're here and I'm sure we're gonna have tons of fun!"

It took a surprising amount of force, but I successfully managed to jerk my hand out of his. The motion sent him off balance, and he bumped right into his blond teammate.

Goldilocks groaned. His voice was loud, too, but fortunately much less irritating.

"Gah, TOBI! Get the hell away from me! You're pissing me off, hm!"

I knitted my brows at the sound of his verbal tick. I had never heard anyone speak that way before.

Aloof, he looked up to introduce himself to me.

"Name's Deidara. I'd shake your hand, too, but-"

He held his flat palms up inches away from my face, and I watched as the skin of both split in two to reveal… _mouths?!_ My eyes went wide and I gulped. They were mouths, all right, complete with two rows of yellowed teeth that lined the top and bottom of each gravely misplaced orifice. Wiggly, pink tongues darted out and swept all around, appearing to move of their own accord. The left tongue swiped up again, and a bead of saliva landed on my cheek.

Disgust evident on my face, he frowned.

"What, you don't like them?"

I shook my head, waving my hands reassuringly.

"N-no, they're uh…great! Really!"

His eyes narrowed and I knew he wasn't buying it, but he let it slide. He looked over to Pumpkinhead who was still flippantly bounding around us.

"And Tobi? Yeah. Stay away from him. He'll cause you nothing but trouble."

The one called Tobi shimmied in a comical fashion to stand behind Deidara. Placing his chin onto Deidara's right shoulder. He held a cupped hand to the side of his mouth and spoke to me in a voice that tried its best to be a whisper, but wasn't.

"As you can see, Sister Golden Hair here has quite the temper-"

Deidara's head shot up, expression livid, and Tobi ripped himself away from him.

"OKAY, THAT'S IT!"

His mouthed hand flew out to snatch Tobi up by his robe, barely missing him. Tobi shrieked and ran full speed away from us as Deidara threw something small and white at him. At first, I assumed that it was a stone he had retrieved from the ground. But then he brought a hand up and he _roared_ , and the thing he threw exploded. It was a frightening display that illuminated the entire cave in bright, striking light. The glare was blinding, and I choked on the thick smoke.

His laughter was hearty and accomplished.

"Now _that's_ art!"

Pein glared in their direction.

"That's enough, you two. This cavern is structurally unsound as it stands."

 _Seriously_?! _And just when were you planning on filling me in about_ that?!

I waved the remnants of bitter smoke out of my face, and to my surprise, Itachi stepped forward from the hazy, gray cloud and greeted me.

"Our first meeting in the Leaf was quite informal. I thought it prudent to reacquaint myself with you properly.

He bowed.

"I am Uchiha Itachi. I look forward to working with you in the future."

I blinked.

"Uh…yeah. Sure thing."

He gave a curt nod and strode off.

And then, there was one. Kisame stood across from me, looking bored as ever.

"What is there to say? We've met already."

I scowled.

 _Well, fine then._

He turned to walk off, and I was suddenly hit with a sour pang of guilt. I frowned. A part of me felt compelled to call out to him.

 _Sure, you got rekt by him, but I mean c'mon. You were being a total bitch. It wasn't his fault. He was just doing what he was told._

I chewed my lip.

 _Say something…_

"Hey..."

He paused in his stride, glancing over his shoulder. His tone was gruff.

"What is it?"

I sighed.

"What happened in the forest…look, I've had some time to think about it, and…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. After all, it wasn't your choice to bring me here. I understand now that you were just following orders."

His eyes trailed down to look at the bandages that were barely visible through the thin, white sheet I had twisted around myself. While I _was_ genuinely remorseful for how things went down, I was also aware that it was much safer to fight at his side than it is was to be in the path of his sword.

I swallowed my pride and bowed deeply.

For a moment he was still, feet planted firmly into the earth below.

And then, he was walking away. I returned to a standing position and stared at my sandals, disappointed and silently berating myself for being so foolish. My face flashed hot in embarrassment.

 _What was I thinking? He's not the kind of guy you say sorry to. He probably thinks that I'm a total dork now. Ugh, I don't even know why I bothered to-_

"Me too, kid."

I stared at his retreating back in astonishment, and he continued.

"I may not have liked what you said, but at least you were honest. You've got spunk."

He emphasized the 'k.'

My look of surprise slowly morphed into one of content, the faintest smile pulling at the left corner of my mouth.

 _Huh. I guess he's not_ that _bad._

My gaze returned to Pein then. I had noticed a few of the more familiar Akatsuki faces were missing, one in particular. I fixed him with a quizzical look.

My tone was snarky.

"Where's the angel?"

For a moment, Pein appeared to be puzzled by my inquiry, so I fleshed out the description a bit more.

"The one I saw before I almost died, back in the Rain Village or whatever. You know, purple hair? Big flappy wings?"

I emphasized the elaboration by swooping my arms up and down a few times.

I watched his expression lift as realization dawned upon him.

"Konan will not be joining us. I'm afraid she had a previous engagement that could not be broken."

 _Bummer._

"I see."

Luckily, pasty-faced plant guy was nowhere to be found, and I wasn't about to ask where he was.

 _I feel sick enough as it is._

"Hidan and Kakuzu are away on 'business' as well, but they should be arriving shortly. Rest assured, you will become acquainted with everyone in time. For now, I have a task for you to complete."

 _Already?_

I regarded him, eyes brimming with vexation.

"What do you want?"

He motioned for me to follow him, and we paced across the gravelly floor. He stopped when we were standing just beneath the chin of the gruesome statue. From there, he slipped an ivory-colored scroll from somewhere within his sleeve and peeled it open with slender fingers. Placing it on the ground in front of him, he lowered himself to his knees. His eyes fell closed and he weaved through a series of hand signs.

His gaze fell to the scroll before him and he placed a flat hand against its surface, forcing his chakra into it. The desired result was achieved, and a puff of smoke uncovered the object that had manifested beneath his palm. The smoke cleared and he pulled his hand away. I gasped, stumbling back from it.

It was a corpse, female, with honey-colored bangs partially concealing a Kumo headband. Horrified as I was, morbid curiosity overrode my urge to look away, and I found it impossible to tear my gaze from her. Though her sallow complexion had begun to deteriorate into putrid green and purple hues, I noted that her delicate features had remained beautiful even in death.

"Nii Yugito."

I shook my head, as confused as I was perturbed. He glanced down at the body from where he knelt above it.

"The former jinchuriki of the Two-Tailed Matatabi. We extracted the beast from her. You see, jinchuriki hosts cannot survive once the bijuu within them has been removed."

The frigid sensation of mortality chilled me to the bone, and I inhaled shakily until my lungs burned. It had suddenly become quite difficult to breathe.

"Wha-"

My jaw clenched as I gulped down the end of the sentence before I could finish it.

"What…what do you want me to do…with h-..it?"

His ringed eyes resembled two amethyst targets when he rose and fixed his imperious gaze upon me.

"Simple. I want you to reanimate her with your mind."

It was merely a snicker at first. But soon, a torrent of involuntary laughter was billowing out of me, and I was powerless to stop it.

I gaped at him incredulously.

" _Yeahhh. Sure."_

I scanned the area, waiting for the camera crew to show up, boom mics blazing. I was utterly prepared for a washed up TV host with a comb over to barge in through a flurry of glittering confetti, shouting "gotcha! Thanks for playing!"

Nothing. He blinked slowly, expression as annoyed as it was sincere.

My face dropped as I hunched forward.

"You're serious…"

He was.

"But I-!"

I grumbled.

"No, you know what? Okay. Since it appears that you are incapable of listening, I'm gonna show you once and for all that _I can't fucking do this shit_."

I stomped over to where the body lay.

"Move over."

He didn't. I rolled my eyes, huffing as I walked around to kneel by the other side of the corpse opposite him.

I grimaced as my hands moved toward her face, and I reluctantly pried her cold, dead eyes open. They were murky and unfocused pools of dirty brown, and my mind screamed at me to get away from her. I ignored it. Her skin felt like stiff crepe paper that had been refrigerated for days. I breathed deep and focused, staring into her festering, muddy orbs. From what I could recall, the technique wouldn't work without eye contact.

Suddenly, a chill wracked my body, and it occurred to me that I was sitting here wearing a dirty bed sheet as a shirt. I rocked back to sit on my heels and looked up at him.

"On second thought, can I at least get some clothes, first?"

* * *

Yo, this is author reporting live from the middle of nowhere. Sorry I'm a day late. Shit happens. So uh, yeah. Things happened. Nokori has chosen to team up with Pein and his band of blundering misfits, because I mean, that's better than being dead, right? And after apologizing, she is also on better terms with Kisame now.

The next chapter is gonna get a little crazy, in part because Hidan shows up. _Oh, joy_.

Stay sexy, my friends. Muah.


	4. Getting Settled In

_*16/5/17 Updated author's note at the end of the chapter*_

* * *

 _Knowing_ was the worst part. Knowing with every fiber of my spirit exactly what this place was. Knowing just how close it is to all of us. Knowing we are all one breath away from being here.

It was dark, in a way that felt as if my sight had been revoked.

My skin crawled. But I didn't have any skin. I was incorporeal, my thoughts serving as my only tether to some sort of reality. I was a wafting consciousness with no discernable vessel. I didn't have ears, a tongue, or eyes…and my body was nowhere to be found.

Even so, I still felt everything. Experienced it as if I had all of those things, even though I was _nothing_.

All of my senses were inexplicably engaged. I saw darkness, but no color. The only palpable concept in this space was a certain all-consuming emptiness. Physically imperceptible, and indubitably absolute. This was the kind of debilitating spiritual vacancy that could only be felt deep inside of oneself. This vacuous realm was filled to the brim with a multitudinous _wailing_ that I could trace back to nowhere, and yet, resounded from every fathomable direction. This was a place where life itself ceased in its tangibility, and instead, became only an idea.

A wave of perpetual despair swept its wretched hand across the void, and in an instant, every inch of empty space was permeated by sorrow. The moaning grew louder.

That's when I finally saw her.

Nii Yugito was as dead as I remembered her, and yet, here she was before me. Her hair was free of the low ponytail it was routinely confined to, billowing around her naked and decrepit form like some kind of untamable creature. Though her pale and cracked lips never moved, somehow, she spoke. Her voice was desperate and sorrowful, every syllable dripping slowly like coagulating blood down some God-forsaken span of decaying flesh, and everything that was left of me felt destroyed.

"What am I doing here…this isn't where I was supposed to go, I'm in the wrong place..."

My belly heaved, and I felt the mock sensation of hot tears streaming from my invisible eyes.

"It hurts here, everything _hurts_ …"

Had I still possessed hands, they would've been trembling. I tested my voice to see if it still worked. It did. It was rough and grainy, like a plank of oak yet to be sanded.

"You…do you know who you are?"

Her expression grew grim, offended even.

"Did you really come all the way here to ask me _that_?!

The air shook.

"I am Nii Yugito. Cloud shinobi, jinchuuriki of…"

Her voice faltered, but only for a moment.

"Or at least I _was,_ until those two undead bastards _murdered_ me."

 _Undead…who?_ I gulped.

"Wait…who did this to you?"

Suddenly, her ghoulishly graceful silhouette devolved into an unruly terror, losing all remnants of humanity and spiraling into a gaggle of black threads. Only her piercing honey eyes remained within it. They were devilish.

Her voice was a monstrous growl.

" _You did."_

All at once, the tendrils converged, concentrated in the center of the diabolical form, fine points taught and aimed straight toward my being. Yugito roared, and her boiling rage became my entire existence. The strings shot forward, whistling, zeroed in on me. I felt the familiar sensation of raising my arms, though no limbs were present, and I crossed what appendages I should've had in front of myself. The moaning enveloped me on all sides, a band of sound that clamped down on the perimeter of my consciousness, growing ever tighter. I threw shut nonexistent lids, screaming out with the void where my mouth should've been.

* * *

There were ten fingers and a ring digging into my upper arms as I was shaken like a doll. When I opened my eyes, I was still screaming. My vision was impaired by the tears that blurred my bleary eyes, and I fluttered my lashes fervently in an effort to clear them. My wild gaze shot all around, finding no purchase and having no particular destination. I heard a voice, soft and feminine and familiar, and I registered the color purple in my line of sight.

 _Konan._

My crazed eyes flitted down to the cold stone beneath where Yugito's rotting corpse slept. I looked on only for a second, but it was enough. Shrieking inconsolably, I ripped myself from her grasp, throwing my body backwards and putting distance between me and the cadaver with kicking legs. I blinked, licking my chapped lips.

I saw her grow near, the tender touch of those same cold fingers on my cheeks now.

"Hey."

I dared look into her amber gaze, and I could see nothing else. She was mesmerizing. Her voice was a river of sound, capable of wearing down the roughest of countenance and polishing it to a smooth, shiny finish. She was as beautiful as I remembered, and I felt a peace blooming within just looking at her. She was serene, much different from Pein. I considered then that they were a sensible pairing; her placid nature was the quintessential antidote to his irascible one.

"You're all right. You did well."

She smiled, a regal but minute quirk of her lip.

"She was alive. The whole time you were engaged with her mind, she was alive. She was breathing, and she maintained a steady pulse rate until you broke the jutsu. We are most pleased."

I shook my head, confused. I was winded, my voice breathy.

"…jutsu..? What..?"

She cocked a slender violet eyebrow.

"Don't you know what you did?"

Clueless, I shook my head and raised my brows, beckoning her to continue.

"You successfully executed your bloodline trait. You infiltrated Yugito's mind, reanimated her. I should think you'd be delighted you were able to harness your talents, considering your lack of confidence in your abilities."

I gawked at her.

"What are you _talking_ about? You fuckers just sent me to Hell, and you want me to be _happy_ about it?"

Konan's content expression faltered.

"Be that as it may, you've successfully demonstrated your talent to us."

She paused, narrowing her eyes in consideration.

"Yes, you will be useful to our cause…"

I swallowed, still a bit disoriented.

"Where's Pein? I wanna talk to him."

Seeing that I was trying to stand up, she placed firm palms on my shoulders to hold me steady.

"He was called away on short notice, and will return later. He told me to keep an eye on you. Please hold still, you aren't ready to stand yet."

She looked further down at me before her brow knitted in confusion.

"What on earth are you wearing?"

I glanced down sheepishly, recalling that I was indeed freaking out and flopping around in the middle of a cave wearing nothing but a cotton sheet and a pair of flimsy tights. My laughter was dry.

"Well, I guess you can't wear that forever. It would be especially impractical on the battlefield."

She stood from her crouching position and fixed her rich amber eyes on me, alight with something akin to amusement. Seeing that I had regained most of my composure, she spoke.

"Come."

I shot her an uneasy expression.

"No more dead people?"

She sighed, small and barely audible, and repeated my inquiry back to me with more conviction.

"No more dead people. For now."

The last bit came as an afterthought, and I narrowed my eyes at her. Still, I obliged her command. After all, she _was_ my superior. And as I recall, the penalty for insubordination was death, so...

* * *

She flung two black articles of clothing at me, hitting me square in the chest, and the roll of bindings smacked the cold stone behind my head when I failed to catch it. She gave me my original shoes back, along with my pouches, but neglected to present me with the clothes I had been kidnapped in.

"Where're my other clothes?"

She glanced at me, askew.

"They were incinerated. They had your scent all over them. They were also in disrepair from your little 'walk in the forest' with Kisame."

I frowned.

"Fuck, I was fond of that jacket, though."

A tiny shrug tugged at her shoulders. I sighed. Turning to face away from her, I dropped the sheet and stared at the cold stone wall as I began to bind my chest. The cloth fit snug over the dressings Mr. Medic had applied over my wounds not too long ago, and I remembered that I'd probably have to change them soon. That tarry goop that he had slathered on me seemed to have a numbing effect, and I noticed for the first time that the abrasions hidden by the bandages weren't sore and stinging anymore. Having sufficiently secured my boobage, I took the tail end of the binding roll, pulling it under the layers of cloth I had created around myself and gave it a bit of a tug to ensure that it stayed in place.

I was hoping she would allow me to dress without bringing up the large swath of melted skin on my back, but I wasn't so fortunate.

"What happened to your back?'

 _Fuck._

I ceased in my ministrations and lowered my head. It was always uncomfortable to explain, but it wasn't her fault. Curiosity is one of the strongest compulsions we experience, fighting for dominance over all other traits and feelings. After all, we're only human.

"I got burned."

And that was that. I suppose she had garnered from my sudden change in demeanor that it wasn't a pleasant subject for me, and she was kind enough not to prod any further.

I proceeded to pick up the first piece she had thrown at me and held it up to assess it. A rather ubiquitous black t-shirt. A bit stiff, but it was modest and versatile, and it would soften up from wear soon enough.

 _At least she didn't give me a stupid, swirly mask to put on. Eesh._

I pulled it on, and immediately discerned that it was several sizes too large. I felt like a tiny frog caught in a black cotton swimming pool.

 _Heh. Must be Kisame's._

The thought got me thinking, and I wondered if I couldn't glean the dirt on their origin from Konan. It was my turn to be curious.

"So, uh…where'd these come from, anyway? The clothes, I mean. You guys don't seem like the type to have full closets or anything."

I heard her intake of breath from behind me.

"They're from a shinobi who was unfortunate enough to cross paths with us. Needless to say, he did not emerge victorious that day."

I dropped the navy canvas pants I was about to pull on and grimaced, recoiling fingers curling into myself like I had just felt something brush my hand in a sink full of dish water.

 _A stiff shirt taken from a stiff._

That would've been funny if I wasn't so grossed out.

My behavior grew flighty as my mind reeled. I considered ripping the shirt off and throwing it across the room, but I knew I probably wouldn't get anything else to wear. It was either this, or nip city, and I wasn't too keen with the idea of traipsing around topless. It was with much chagrin that I decided to leave the tarp of a shirt hanging from my frame right where it was. The pants, though?

Nah.

 _Tights are fine._

I turned to face her with a disgruntled expression.

"Now what?"

* * *

After laying down some ground rules and giving me a bit of a tour, I was off on my own until Pein needed me to do something for him. Konan had explained that because we moved around so much, we didn't have a meat locker or a freezer hanging out anywhere. If I got hungry, I would have to go hunting or fish for something outside the confines of the cavern and cook it myself. There was also a river a few clicks from the cave that was fed by the tumultuous downpour of a giant waterfall, and I was welcome to soak in it anytime my muscles were feeling sore, or if I was just plain disgusting. The cave was our refuge, providing us with a place to rest and recuperate while concealed from those who wished to capture or execute us. I learned that this place was also used for sealing the tailed beasts, hence the ugly ass statue that sat in the middle of the room.

By the time she was through, I could here how worn out she was in her voice. She was tired of repeating herself.

From what she told me, it almost seemed that Konan played house-mother to the Akatsuki, carrying out Pein's wishes and keeping the peace when he wasn't around. It was a stressful position to hold, making sure these overpowered man-children played nice with one another and didn't break anything. From what I gathered, Deidara, Tobi, and Hidan were the worst for misbehaving. I hadn't met the latter, and from what little she had told me, I really didn't want to.

Still, it was maddening to know that such a powerful female shinobi had essentially been reduced to playing mom. I wondered why she didn't just say 'fuck it' and leave the little babies to fend for themselves.

Even I knew there was no way that would ever happen. Her fierce loyalty to Pein and his aspirations was unwavering. They must've gone way back.

Either that, or the sex was _great._

Now that I had been cut loose to go dickin' around on my own, I decided the best thing I could do for myself would be to get some food in me. It had just occurred to me that tomorrow would be a week since I had last eaten. Because the mouth of the cave had been sealed for our safety, there was a tunnel for access in and out of it that ended in the middle of the forest several meters from where the river was. I had hightailed it the hell outta that dankness the moment I found it.

That had been hours ago.

I had been crouched in the underbrush for a good 45 minutes before I heard rustling several feet to my left. Poised to strike, kunai in hand, I catapulted myself from the shrubbery and flung it straight toward the noise. I heard the thunk of it connecting to the base of a tree, immediately followed by the rabbit I had been trying to nab scampering away in a blind terror.

"Damn it!"

I threw my head back, exasperated. I had been at this for over three hours now, the first two hours spent waiting for some poor, defenseless creature to show up. The next hour and ten minutes was me failing to catch two other rabbits and a squirrel. This was the fourth time I had missed, and by this point, the low rumbling in my stomach had turned to some sort of high-pitched gurgling. I imagined that it was just as pissed off as I was. My neck was uncomfortably hot. Having piled my hair into a mess atop my head and secured it there, it had been exposed to the blistering heat of the sun for quite some time now.

I stomped over and ripped my kunai out of the tree before snapping a thin, sinewy limb off of it and plopping down on a rock. I pulled off the leaves that clung to the end of the stick and began scraping the tip into a fine point. I scraped and scraped, scraps of wood collecting in a pile at my sandaled feet. After a while, I poked the tip to be sure it was fine enough, and marched over to an area just below the waterfall where the river narrowed a bit. Rolling up the bottoms of my tights, I waded in shin-deep and gazed into the crystal waters. I took a deep breath and focused as the tip of my tongue jutted out to trace my bottom lip. I could see the sparkling reflection of sunlight off of fish scales and I jabbed my makeshift harpoon straight into it. I felt the jagged tip connect with the stone bed of the rushing rapids and yanked it out of the water. The weight of the stick had not increased, and I knew before I saw the empty spear tip that I had fucking missed again.

Throwing my sharpened switch in a rage, I kicked up the river, disrupting the flow of it. I huffed as I watched the dispersing ripples my sole had created in the water.

 _Okay. I fold._

Motivation waning by the second, I pulled the string from my collapsing bun, tangled gray hair tumbling free as I trotted over to the base of the waterfall nearby. It was _so hot_ today. Without hesitation, I walked right into it with everything on, even my shoes. Ten steps in, I found myself submerged neck-deep, and I began to swim. The gentle waves were cool against the blooming sunburn on the back of my neck. I paddled to the center of the pool and held my breath, sinking until the ripples encircled the perimeter of my head just under my closed eyes.

Arms and legs gently swaying to keep myself afloat, I let the soothing sound of the roaring rapids waft into my ears. I bobbed there for a little bit, lost to the world. My muscles went lax, save for those keeping me afloat, and for once, I allowed the ever-present walls I kept up to fall away.

 _Breathe. Atta girl. You'll be fine. But, to be fair, you should've set some traps…_

 _Wait…what the fuck, Me?! You couldn't have reminded me of that while I was_ out _of the water?!_

I groaned before trying to regain my zen.

My efforts were thwarted when I felt a peculiar sensation around my toes. My brow furrowed, eyes still shut, and I drew my feet up to abate the unusual feeling. Not a moment later, I felt it again while my legs were still pulled up close to myself, startling me.

"Gah, what the hell _is_ that?!"

Unnerved, I took in a gulp of air and shoved my face into the water to peer straight down into the depths. Immediately, I had my answer.

 _Bubbles…?_

Yup. A whole torrent of them, swirling up from the depths beneath me.

 _Wait…_

I leaned my head further into the water, squinting. Suddenly, a dark and eerie mass came into view just under the bubbles, growing larger and larger and closer and closer. In all of an instant, it was right in my face, and I let out a frantic yelp that was absorbed by the silence of the water.

I shot up and back just in time to come face to muzzle with the enormous shark that surfaced right before my wild eyes. Its meaty nose was close enough to kiss.

I _screeched,_ jolts of terror spiking through me, and I began a frenzied trek back to the edge of the water. I hadn't made it three strokes before I heard deep spiel of throaty laughter, and a generous splash cascaded over my head and into my face. Weighed down from the force of the water, my soaking hair had been forced down flush over my eyes, and I couldn't see anything. I looked like a silver sheepdog gasping for air. I guess it was appropriate then that I found myself dog paddling. I spat a stream of water out of my mouth before I exploded.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

And then, another voice from behind.

"What the hell were you doing back there?"

I rolled my concealed eyes. I knew it was him by his raspy voice alone.

 _Kisame. You absolute sack of shit and seawater._

"What did it look like I was doing?! I was fuckin fishin'!"

I brought two wrinkled hands up to smooth back the thick curtain of sopping ashen hair from my face, turning as I did so. Yup, there he was. Every blue, gargantuan, and assholish inch of him.

"Or at least trying to. I'm about to starve to death."

I wasn't sure why he snickered the way he did, until he dunked himself back under the water, only to re-emerge with a flopping fish poised between a vice of pointed teeth. His speech was garbled as it pried past the scaly creature he held in his mouth.

"Yike thish?"

I gaped at him, horrified. He cackled, spitting the fish back into the water. My face changed to one of derision.

"Why did you bite into the poor thing if you were just going to throw it back? We could've eaten it."

He regarded with me pity, sighing. It wasn't long before he spoke again. His tone was conclusive.

"Useless."

I glared. He smirked.

"Go wait on the banks. I'll get us something."

In an effort to get away from him, I did as instructed and swam to the shore of the lake as he dove back into the depths. I stepped out of the water and onto the surrounding buildup of sediment, flattening it beneath the soles of my sandals. My spandex tights would dry quickly, I was sure. My shirt, on the other hand, would be soggy for quite a while. There was little time for it to dry, what with the sun hanging low in the sky. In an hour or so, it would be long gone.

 _Maybe a dash through the trees would dry it out enough?_

I threw my hair over my shoulder and wrung it.

As promised, Kisame surfaced minutes later, several fish in tow. He instructed me to build a fire, and I did so to the best of my ability. I gathered kindling and piled it up before placing the logs I had split in a semi-uniform arrangement above it. He looked at it.

"Not bad, kid. Know any fire type jutsu?"

I shook my head.

"Nope. I'll have to do it by hand."

He shrugged.

"That works, too."

He stalked off to a nearby tree and pulled three thin limbs from it with ease before heading back toward the fire and I. I had since gotten it going. It wasn't a roaring blaze by any stretch of the imagination, but I kept feeding it until the licking flames were of a decent intensity. He seemed satisfied with it, so I didn't ask any questions. In one swift motion, he sat himself down before brandishing a kunai and going to town on the fish. When it came to de-scaling and prepping, this guy was a freaking machine.

"Damn…you must do this a lot."

He answered without looking up.

"Yup. Just about every mission we're assigned. Akatsuki isn't exactly thriving financially, and it's hard to eat out on a budget. Between the two of us, Itachi and I have eaten a _lot_ of fish."

He paused, impaling the fish on their respective twigs over the fire.

"But you also have to consider that I'm a _master swordsman._ Throughout my career as a shinobi, I've wielded bladed weapons of all makes and designs. It's only natural that I would be proficient with a simple kunai. If not, I'd be a pathetic excuse for a ninja."

There was a beat of silence before he looked up at me, smirking.

"Kinda like you."

I said nothing. I didn't need to. The intensity of my gaze expressed everything I wanted to say. When he felt that the fish were sufficiently cooked, he plucked one stick up and twirled it in his hand, examining the cooked meat from all sides before tearing into it. He from spoke around the mushy mass of meat he was chewing. I should've known he'd be the type to talk with his mouth full.

"They're done. Eat."

I mimicked his movements, picking up a fish-clad branch and digging in. Upon the first bite, I lost all initiative to mind my manners. I was too hungry to take my time. I horked it down desperately. That shit was gone like Nicolas Cage: in sixty seconds. When I made a beeline for the remaining fish, he cleared his throat, half of his fish yet to be consumed.

"Good?"

I nodded enthusiastically.

" _Very_. Thank you."

Without hesitation, he motioned for me to take the last fish. I happily obliged, throwing down the empty stick and snatching up the one still resting over the flame. It disappeared as quickly as the first. Belly full, I leaned back to chill out. His pearlescent eyes traveled down, lingering over my abdomen.

"How're those injuries looking?"

My eyes were half-lidded in annoyance as I looked up at him. Savagely, he ripped off a piece of fish and gnawed on it, grin spreading with every meaty chomp. My eyes shifted, answer curt and offish.

"They'll be fine."

A silence ensued, the only sounds to be heard were the ones of him eating. I stared him down.

"Why are you giving me such a hard time?"

He looked up, wide eyed and cheeks full of the last bits of his fish. Tossing the stick away, he swallowed thickly before answering.

"How do you mean?"

I scoffed.

"Don't play dumb. Weren't you the one who said you valued honesty? So do I. So, do you hate me or something? Because, I mean, that's hardly fair. We barely know each other."

Finally, he acquiesced, expression returning to normal.

"Nah, it's nothing like that."

He paused.

"You're an easy target. And you're fun to mess with."

I scrunched my face up, mouth agape.

"What does that mean?"

He laughed as he opened his mouth to answer. Just before any sound could make it out, the space in my brain between my ears began to hum loudly. I froze. It was an uneasy feeling, disorienting, like a swarm of bees had fashioned my skull into their hive. By the way he stilled across from me, I could tell that Kisame felt it, too. Suddenly, a static-y voice manifested from within the hum. It was strange; I heard it as if it were coming from _inside_ my head.

"All associates convene beneath the Gedo statue in ten minutes. There is business to discuss."

And just like that, it was over. Immediately, Kisame rose from where he sat and headed in the direction of the tunnel.

I jumped up to trail after him.

"What the hell was that?"

He continued staring straight ahead, footfalls unwavering.

"It was Pein-sama. He can communicate with us telepathically."

I cocked my head, considering the notion.

"Huh. Cool."

* * *

We made it there in seven minutes, three shy of what we were allotted. Everyone else was there, waiting. I noticed that Konan was looking especially perfect this evening, a new origami flower adorning her violet hair. To my left, Deidara and Tobi looked one smart quip away from getting into a slapping match. Itachi stood slightly away from the group, cool and despondent. Spiky Aloe Guy was here now, too. As per usual, he was hanging out of a stalagmite and being gross.

 _Noooooo._

It took a little bit for my eyes to readjust to the darkness of the cave, and I closed them to ease the transition. It also spared me from having to look at creepy plant man. They shot open when I heard a harsh "OH, CHEER UP, YOU SENSITIVE OLD FUCKER" explode from the right edge of the cave furthest from where we were gathered, resounding off of every pebble in the joint.

I turned with wide eyes to survey the expanse that the shrill voice had originated from when I saw two dark figures approaching us. One was much taller than the other, and that's pretty much all I could tell from the distance between us. I turned back around, swallowing uncomfortably. Pein was before us now, positioned next to Konan, all intimidating and spiky and primed for speech-giving. There was idle chatter for a few minutes as we waited for the dark figures to join us. A minute later, I heard someone hock a loogie from behind us, and Pein's gaze panned over to stare in the direction it had come from. Following his eyes, I turned again, and was taken aback by the two new members that were finally close enough to see properly.

The shortest guy was still considerably taller than me, with silver hair greased back tightly to his head and Pepto-Bismol eyes shadowed by low brows. His angled nose was proportionate with a pointed and prominent tip, and his jaw was set and strong. It was no secret that he was indeed attractive. His odd medallion caught the dim light of the cavern from where it hung down his bare chest. I could see his carved abs rippling with every breath he took. One of his arms was propped atop the handle of a large, three bladed scythe that protruded from his back. The weapon was comprised of cold, crimson steel, as red as the blood I was sure it quite regularly drew.

The other man's appearance was even more disquieting. His unsettling height was ominous, and he loomed what seemed like acres over his fair-haired partner. Though impressive, I quickly judged that he was still shorter than Kisame. He was tan, seemingly olive-complected in the darkness of the cavern, and his sleeveless shirt allowed for a perfect view of the stitches that marred his patchwork arms. He wore a khaki canvas cap that concealed both his head and face, leaving only his piercing eyes unveiled. They were two lifeless green disks nestled in a cesspool of busted capillaries, and my stomach sunk just looking at them. I'm sure my discontent was obvious on my features, and I was grateful he hadn't caught me staring.

I looked on as pink eyes glanced nonchalantly from member to member until they fixed their gaze upon Pein. But then, they backtracked, slowly shifting in aloof confusion to rest on me. I froze.

His voice was jarring, and both his brash tone and snarky inflection made it quite effortless to dislike. He was loud, rhetorically addressing all members of the group at once.

"Uh, guys? What the hell is _that_?"

Albino Ab-Master motioned to me with an extension of his toned arm, fingers splayed lazily. One by one, the entirety of the group turned to looked at (and the taller ones, down) at me. I gawked at him, eyebrow cocked.

 _Bitch, what?_

"That will be all, Hidan. I will explain momentarily."

Pein's smooth tone quickly alleviated the discomfort this Hidan guy's voice had left in its wake. Hidan snorted through his nose, crossing his arms and looking away.

"Yeah, whatever."

Pein continued.

"I have summoned you here to discuss the precarious financial confines we have found ourselves operating within. You have all been aware for quite some time that our organization is indeed low on funds, and that we must secure larger quantities of currency to bring our ideals and goals to fruition."

His haunting purple eyes shifted to the tall man with the stitched arms.

"Kakuzu."

 _Ah, so that's what he's called._

"Your efforts to collect bounties have been most appreciated. I have no qualms or criticisms of your performance at this time. Please proceed to continue as you have been."

I looked back. Kakuzu nodded.

"As for the rest of you, for now, I will be assigning you to missions that are specifically fiscally-oriented. I will speak to each pair of you candidly to discuss the details of your individualized campaigns. Dismissed."

Hidan piped up again.

"Uh, boss? What about Little Miss Heathen over here? Who is she?"

Pein blinked.

"Ah, yes. This is Nokori. She has _graciously_ accepted my invitation to join our ranks and utilize her special skills to realize our shared ambitions."

He gave me a pointed look. Seconds passed before Hidan was back at it again. He didn't miss a beat. His tone was drawn out and exaggerated as if he were speaking to a child.

"Okaaaay? But what does she _do_?"

Pein's agitation was becoming apparent beneath his stern visage.

"That is for me to know, and for you to ponder."

Hidan sighed.

"It's always word games with you pious types. Yeah, fuck this. I'm gonna go eat something."

He stalked off mumbling something about "Lord Jashin" and "surrounded by scoundrels and reprobates." This guy couldn't leave soon enough.

The rest of the group dispersed to do their own thing before Pein called Itachi, Kisame, and oddly enough, Deidara to speak with him.

I made to walk off as well before I heard a clipped "ah" from Pein. I turned to look at him, at which time he beckoned me to him with a curl of his slender finger. Peeved, I approached them. He addressed the others first.

"Itachi, I will be tasking both you and Kisame with a bit of… _freelance_ work. Itachi, as your kekkei-genkai is most similar to Nokori's, you will work with her to hone her visual prowess."

His tone was domineering.

" _Train her well_. I expect her to be able to fend for herself."

Wordlessly, Itachi bowed deeply before departing.

Pein turned to Kisame now.

"Kisame, it will be your responsibility to ensure that she develops a proficiency with weaponry. I would also appreciate it if you would guide her through basic to advanced taijutsu instruction. Having witnessed the scope of your talents firsthand, I feel that you are most suited to train her in these aforementioned areas."

Kisame threw his head back and sighed deeply, agitation blatantly on display. He was _pissed._ Before I had the chance to speak, he was already stomping off.

He spoke to Deidara last.

"Deidara, since Sasori has regrettably been eliminated, I will be pairing Nokori with you on your missions from now on. Of course, she will not be fit to assist you until her shinobi skill set has been further improved upon. As such, you will be paired with Tobi until she has completed her training."

From afar, there was a childish yelp of glee which I could only assume came from Tobi himself. Deidara frowned, deep lines splitting the youthful skin of his forehead.

"You are both dismissed."

Pein's silhouette was swallowed up by the darkness as it grew further and further away from where I stood. Deidara bumped me roughly with his shoulder as he walked past me. I turned to look at him. His expression was livid and accusatory.

"Listen, girlie: you better get good _real_ quick, because there's no way in _hell_ that I'll be able to stand that little fucker for longer than a _week._ You got that? _"_

I nodded solemnly as I watched him storm off. I closed my tired eyes, mind racing. I couldn't believe it. I had gone and pissed everyone off without even saying a word. At least Itachi was kind enough to mask his frustration.

Whatever. One thing was for sure: I had a _lot_ of work ahead of me.

* * *

Hey there. Sorry I'm late, but here it is. So, am I the only one who misheard 'Gedo statue' as 'the Ghetto statue' when I watched the anime? Yeah, definitely not something I'm proud of. I'm also mourning the ending of Naruto, as I'm sure we all are. It's the end of an era. Now, if we want our Uzumaki fix, we've gotta watch that new show about Salad and Burrito or whatever their names are. Eh, I'd still rather have it than nothing. That said, nope, that stuff will not affect this story in any way.

Kind of feel the need to make it clear that this will be a Kisame/Nokori- centric fic, because there aren't nearly enough stories about Kisame, in my opinion. There will be also be ample scenes featuring Itachi and Deidara in the future because of the way the story develops. If you would enjoy seeing the other characters featured more frequently, I can make that happen. Just let me know. I would also like to take the time to say that this story is not beta'd. All grammatical discrepancies are my own, and I apologize in advance for them.

Shoutout to PeinFreak for the love! You're the coolest.

Please don't be afraid to review! You have no idea how much it motivates me!

More to come soon. Stay sexy, guys!

*Update 16/5/17 - Hello all. I'm aware that it's been a while since I posted, and I am very sorry for that. I got a new job a few weeks ago (it was kind of unexpected), and I have been in training for it. Between work and other personal responsibilities, I'm finding it difficult to update often these days. I'm sorry you readers are about to receive emails that this story has been updated, but not with a new chapter, so I apologize for that. However, this story has NOT been abandoned, as I'm working on the next installment here and there. I just wanted to let you know that updates won't be as frequent now. Thank you for your support, and I hope to get a new chapter uploaded soon. Thanks! -Kris


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